Modern birthing, not so modern- from an OB nurse

You might be surprised to find out I am not sold into the modern birthing philosophy, as I have been an OB nurse in a traditional hospital setting since 1978. In nursing school, my OB instructors were so enthusiastic about childbirth and breastfeeding; that combined with a sister who was involved in LaLeche League really got me excited about having a baby.  In fact in an English class in college we were instructed to write a paper on something we would like to be.  Some wrote they would like to be streams of water, other certain animals; I wrote a paper that said “I want to be a mother”.  I elatedly received the news I was pregnant with my first son in Dec. 1977 and started working in OB in Jan. of 1978.  I immediately delved into childbirth books, the most influential on me being “Immaculate Deception” by Suzanne Arms.  I naively gave a copy of it to my OB to read; needless to say, she was not impressed!  My husband and I took a childbirth preparation class outside of the hospital, given by an independent instructor; I interviewed our pediatrician to see where we stood on important issues, and I strongly considered delivering with a midwife at an attached birthing center in South Bend.  (I think it was an insurance issue that prevented me to deliver there.)  I was ready for a completely natural childbirth and had told my husband to stand behind me 100%.  After a long unmedicated labor, I was taken to the delivery room and the doctor said “Well Kathy, what do you want to do?”~~meaning did I want the spinal block that he gave to nearly 100% of women.  I remember wearily looking at my husband and asking “do I want it?”~~NO! he shouted.  (My hero!)   I had four children pretty much as I wanted to give birth; not one IV, minimal monitoring, up out of bed as I desired,  no medications for pain. 

I have had to adjust my attitude as the years have gone by to accept the way most women want to give birth and most doctors want to manage their labors, at least in our community. But I still know in my heart that there is another way to have babies, and that is why I was so thrilled to be part of Brooks’ birth at the birthing center, with the wonderful midwives.

 Kathy

~ this is written by the grandma of 2 (about to be 3) Goshen Birth Center birthed babies! 

Three Huge Mistakes We Make Leading Kids…and How to Correct Them

(From Growing Leaders)

Recently, I read about a father, Paul Wallich, who built a camera-mounted drone helicopter to follow his grade-school-aged son to the bus stop. He wants to make sure his son arrives at the bus stop safe and sound. There’s no doubt the gizmo provides an awesome show-and-tell contribution. In my mind, Paul Wallich gives new meaning to the term “helicopter parent.”

While I applaud the engagement of this generation of parents and teachers, it’s important to recognize the unintended consequences of our engagement. We want the best for our students, but research now shows that our “over-protection, over-connection” style has damaged them. Let me suggest three huge mistakes we’ve made leading this generation of kids and how we must correct them.

Full article

Eight Steps Toward Healthy Leadership

Obviously, negative risk taking should be discouraged, such as smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc. In addition, there will be times our young people do need our help, or affirmation. But—healthy teens are going to want to spread their wings. They’ll need to try things on their own. And we, the adults, must let them. Here are some simple ideas you can employ as you navigate these waters:

1. Help them take calculated risks. Talk it over with them, but let them do it. Your primary job is to prepare your child for how the world really works.
2. Discuss how they must learn to make choices. They must prepare to both win and lose, not get all they want and to face the consequences of their decisions.
3. Share your own “risky” experiences from your teen years. Interpret them. Because we’re not the only influence on these kids, we must be the best influence.
4. Instead of tangible rewards, how about spending some time together? Be careful you aren’t teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.
5. Choose a positive risk taking option and launch kids into it (i.e. sports, jobs, etc). It may take a push but get them used to trying out new opportunities.
6. Don’t let your guilt get in the way of leading well. Your job is not to make yourself feel good by giving kids what makes them or you feel better when you give it.
7. Don’t reward basics that life requires. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
8. Affirm smart risk-taking and hard work wisely. Help them see the advantage of both of these, and that stepping out a comfort zone usually pays off.