My Two Births....

by Ellie Tricker

My two births happened three years and two months apart. My first child was a slow-moving son, and my second child was a daughter who seemed to be in an enormous hurry. The details of my birth experiences differ wildly.

         Thaddeus was born slowly, quietly, and privately. Ben and I labored all night long, moaning and dancing our way through the bedroom, great room, and bathroom. My memory is of being mothered through the process by Rachel, who comforted and consoled me at regular intervals. I remember the feeling of her hands on my neck as I dozed exhaustedly in the rocking chair in the pre-dawn hours. I remember her spoon feeding me honey. She put her hands on my hips, teaching me how to sway from side to side, as gracefully as a walrus (or so I felt) as I hung my arms heavily around Ben's neck. Hours after we arrived to bring forth our first child, another mother arrived. When the sounds of her baby carried through the wall long before I had even dilated completely, I began to despair, but Rachel consoled me with such love and tenderness that I was able to relax and refocus. I am the sort of woman who tends to be in charge of everything and be totally equipped. Therefore, it was alarming to be at the mercy of my body. I felt like I was failing somehow, and Rachel imparted the necessary grace that I needed to accept the birth journey I was on. She gave me exactly what I needed.

        Penelope, in contrast, has had an urgency about her since the moment she felt ready to emerge from the womb! Although I was in early labor for an entire week with her, once she got serious, nothing could stop her. We settled in for another long labor, but only three hours after arriving at the Birth Center, Penelope was in my arms. And while Ben and I had relished our quiet privacy the first time, this felt more like a birth(day) party. Two of my friends met us there to help care for Tad (who came with us) and to help document the event. We had a fruit tray and told funny stories. Ironically, even with the noise and celebratory atmosphere, I was able to focus more  this second time around. I finally understood what it meant to ride the wave of each contraction and to go deeper into my body. I accomplished my goal of not actually pushing my daughter out at all, instead letting the contractions do the work. Even so, the amount of time between crowning and having Penny on my chest was only three minutes. Before I got into the tub for the final bit of labor, I stood over the toilet and suddenly felt chilled to the bone. I had been really present for the whole labor, but suddenly I felt a wave of panic. I began to shiver uncontrollably and Nancy (who had arrived an hour before) put her hands on my shoulders and told me I was probably in transition. I hadn't really felt transition with Tad's birth because the whole labor was so intense and painful that there was no discernible difference. This was wild and somewhat terrifying! But when I felt Nancy's hands on my shoulders, I felt a cooling sensation pass down through my whole body. My eyes locked on hers and I remembered that I could do this! Somehow I found myself back in the tub and, though I wanted to birth on my hands and knees as I did before, I was instructed to lie down on my back to slow baby down. This was so contrary to my ideas, but it turned out to be quite helpful! Penny practically flew out, and just like in those magical stories, once she was on my belly she slithered up to my breast of her own accord and latched immediately. I think I tried to force Tad to nurse for several minutes before I relaxed and gave up pressuring him. He finally nursed in the bed an hour or so after he was born.

        My births were so similar in some ways. I was in the same room, both provided peaceful, joyful memories. Patty was the midwife who met us at the Birth Center both times, leaving us with the midwife on the next shift. Both times I received the special type of coaching I needed, though the particulars of how each birth played out were so different. The model of trusting women and their bodies works so beautifully, because with varying circumstances, the outcome ends up being the same. My joy was complete for both of my births, and I felt supported, loved, and trusted.

        I feel so immensely grateful for the Birth Center, and particularly for Rachel, who gave me the birth I dreamed of. I transferred to Fairhaven quite late in my first pregnancy solely because Rachel was willing to spend quite a long time with me both on the phone and in person to determine whether we could work together for only a few short weeks. Because of my births, I began to trust my power, my stamina, and indeed my true femininity in a way I could never have anticipated. My births have taught me more about my deepest strength more than any other experience I've ever had, and have opened me in a special way to conscious, peaceful parenting. I really believe that peace on earth can begin with birth. My safe, conscious, peaceful births helped me realize that my children were active participants in their earth-side emergence. Beginning my parenting journey in this way has helped launch me on a trajectory of respect, awareness, and reverence for the full human beings my children are. Indeed, my births have helped me respect myself more fully and to appreciate the ways my husband and partner contributes to our lives as well. Giving birth at Goshen Birth Center under the supervision and care of knowledgeable, compassionate midwives has changed my life for the better in a real and meaningful way.