What is Attachment Parenting?

By Peggy O’Mara, CEO of peggyomara.com

Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. It is not about abdicating authority as a parent, but about responding to the legitimate biological needs of a baby. It is firmly based in the sciences of anthropology and psychology and specifically on the theory of attachment.

THE THEORY OF ATTACHMENT

The theory of attachment originated with psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) whose influential 1951 report to the World Health Organization set the first standard for infant and child care:

the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.

Bowlby and others identified the first three years of life as a critical period during which the foundation is set for attachment to self and others. Qualities secured during this period include: trust, empathy, dependency, affection, conscience and optimism. According to Maggie Scarf in Unfinished Business (Ballantine: 1981)

The ancients well knew that the experience of being in love recapitulates the mother-child relationship in its intimate physical attachment, trust and dependency. It has been shown even in the animal realm that adequate sexual functioning in adulthood depends on satisfactory relations with the mother in infancy.”

LOOKING FOR SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT

When breastfeeding rates doubled between 1972 and 1982, mothers were looking for ways to reconcile the needs of their babies with the popular wisdom of the day. Breastfeeding moms were finding, for example, that their babies wanted to be held a lot while popular wisdom warned that holding was spoiling. Attachment theory reassured these new breastfeeding pioneers that touching and holding were not only good for babies, but essential to their optimal development.

John Bowlby, for example, observed during WWI that babies in orphanages died if they were neither talked to or touched.

Eric Erikson identified the first year of life as a stage during which we learn to have faith in other people and in the environment. During this time of total dependency, if we receive adequate physical care that is warm, loving and demonstrative, we will learn to trust. On the other hand, if our care is cold, indifferent and rejecting we will learn to mistrust.

Bowlby’s colleague, Mary Ainsworth, was a medical researcher who observed that the indulgence of early dependency needs leads to independence and self-reliance. According to Ainsworth, it is the sensitive responsiveness of the mother that enables the child to explore the environment.

Margaret Mead, whose seminal book Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) informed the sexual revolution, observed in her field studies as an anthropologist that the most violent tribes were those that withheld touch in infancy.

According to neurologist Richard Restak, social behavior is related to early experiences in significant ways,

Physical holding and carrying of the infant turns out to be the most important factor responsible for the infant’s normal mental and social development.

Rest of article

Benefits of Babywearing

By Peggy O’Mara, founder of Mothering.com

Babywearing is a necessity for women all over the world who carry their babies while they work and do domestic tasks. This practice has been around for centuries, but has seen a dramatic resurgence in popularity in recent years. Why? Because touch is good for us.

THE BENEFITS OF TOUCH

According to a study in Pediatrics, babies who are carried cry less. Babywearing for three hours a day reduced infant crying by 43 percent overall and 54 percent during the evening hours.

A study at Columbia University compared the attachment of babies carried in a baby carrier with babies carried in a car seat. After 13 months, the babies who had been transported in wearable carriers were significantly more attached to their mothers.

According to research at Dr. Tiffany Field’s The Touch Institute, touch therapy has been shown to:

Facilitate weight gain in preterm infants

Enhance attentiveness

Alleviate depressive symptoms

Reduce pain

Reduce stress hormones

Improve immune function.

Ashley Montagu was the first to remind us of the power of touch in his 1971 classic, Touching::The Human Significance of the Skin. According to Montagu, touch for infants is important because of their developmental vulnerability:

This intensification of cutaneous stimulations is especially necessary in the human fetus because, contrary to general belief, the period of gestation is not completed when the baby is born. It is only half-completed.

Nils and Jill Bergman’s work advocating “kangaroo care” for premature babies recalls Montagu’s characterization of humans as marsupials. Kangaroo care is continuous or prolonged maternal-infant-skin-to-skin contact (supplemented by father or other attachment figure). Research shows that it improves outcomes for premature babies and the Bergman’s recommend it for both premature and full-term babies.

OXYTOCIN

Touching is not just good for baby. Adults also benefit  from oxytocin, the neuropeptide released into the bloodstream during many types of touching. Oxytocin makes us want to touch and cuddle. Its release promotes feelings of devotion, trust and bonding. It lowers our heart rate and blood pressure making us feel more soothed and less stressed.

TYPES OF BABY CARRIERS

Rest of article

Walking With Intention Day 18

“Our intention creates our reality.”

– Wayne Dyer

The concept of “intention” has never held very much meaning for me beyond a few experiences with Catholic volunteers. It was a nice, though abstract, concept. Living intentionally never became so important to me until I had a baby.

In my mind, walking with intention means a few different things. On one hand, it means being present to the current moment. On the other hand, it means being conscientious and deliberate about my attitude, my actions and my words, because those three things influence my reality and my future.

Being Present

This is my first child and I’m daily fumbling with getting it right. Since her birth, it has been very important to me to be present in a way I never was before, when I would daydream my way through a never-ending afternoon and seek to rush an uncomfortable moment.

Now, I’m trying to be catalogue every precious little moment, like her determined face and middle-of-the-night sighs or the small moments in a quiet house that she’s playing independently. I’m (trying to!) not wishing away the long nights of overtired screaming because I know the day will come that I will wish problems could be solved with mere rocking, kisses, and a round of “Baby Mine.” I’m trying to make note of every time we nurse or she presses her cheek to mine, because one of those times will be the last time, and I love them. I love every day with her, even the minutes that suck. I am crazy in love with her right now, and she adores me. I am the best thing ever. I make her laugh and I calm her, and I know I won’t always.

Being Conscious and Deliberate

I didn’t grow up around children, and before I had her, I honestly just thought they were little jerks. I couldn’t imagine how parents could put up with their attitude. (At the time, I also couldn’t imagine loving something the way I love her, but now I get it.)  During my pregnancy and ever since she was born, I have been anxious about the “terrible twos,” having a “threenager,” and every day she grows, I hate that she’s getting closer to that time. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it and I’m afraid I’m going to hate her, the being with half my heart.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to think of her as a “terror,” and I don’t want to be her adversary. I know that, as her mother, it is going to be my job to set boundaries she won’t like and she will see me as her enemy sometimes, but I don’t want to see her as the enemy.

She is not the enemy.

My anxiety of that time is lessened and I think (hope) my ability to respond from a place of love will increase when I am intentional in my thoughts about her. I believe the way I think and talk about her will make a big difference in how I perceive her.  Even when my Wee One is acting stubborn, disobedient, or rude, if I say those things are who she is, I will believe them. If i can be intentional in my thoughts about her and consider her as a whole person, I will see things differently and be able to respond to her differently. When she pushes against me, or when she’s rude or disrespectful, it is because she is learning the rules of social interaction and experimenting with different behaviors. Or it is because I am expecting something of her that she is not developmentally able to do. Moreover, she’s acting out with me because she knows she’s safe with me.

In my practice as a drug and alcohol counselor, I read and found to be true that the strongest tool I had when working with a client was my relationship with them. I also noticed that the clients who did best were those who had a strong relationship with me.  (In this context, by “best,” I do not mean the ones who stayed sober and got housed. I mean the ones who stayed connected with our program and kept trying.) They knew they could come to me drunk, or call me from prison, or send me to talk to their P.O. and lawyers, and I still respected and believed in their ability to change.

I remember this and also think about my relationship with my own mother, with whom I have always been safe. I think the quality of relationship with my daughter is going to be the most important thing I have in my ability to help her grow. To do this, I need to stay aware of the bigger picture and act with intention to keep our relationship sacred.

Sarah Myers

I am a St. Louis native and social worker who spent 10 years working with homeless addicts in North city. In about the course of a year I got married, had a child, left my job and moved to the Seattle area – made about every big change one can make.  Now I’m a stay at home mom and loving every day of it, but I’m also trying to rebuild my life around these big changes.

https://theseekersdungeon.com/2015/11/18/walking-with-intention-day-18-by-sarah-myers/

***Reposted with permission via http://creosomnium.org/

Do We Need a Daily Routine?

During my baby’s first year, one of the most common topics of conversation was about how she was sleeping.  Friends/family/moms in mom groups/strangers in the grocery line all seemed really interested in how she was sleeping.  Once we had established a daily routine, my response was much more positive to the dreaded sleep question. Routinesare needed because they let your baby what to expect next, according to Babycenter.  When babies can anticipate what happens next, it provides comfort to them and helps them sleep better. Experts say that routines can be established as early as 2 months or as old as 6 months old, depending on your (and your baby’s) personality.

My first daughter was a snacker. She liked to nurse for short amounts of time every hour or two all day, every day up until she was about six months old. At about 6 months, we started to establish a routine with her, encouraging her to eat more during the day and sleep for longer stretches at night. My younger daughter was content to nurse for long amounts of time, less frequently. We worked out our routine around 4 months. Establishing a routine earlier with my second daughter also benefited my first because we returned to many of our activities that we did before the baby was born.

There is a wide range of philosophies about establishing routines, ranging from the parents setting the routines to basing the daily routine on the baby’s natural schedule and everything in between. For me, and my children, building a routine around their natural schedules worked best.  However, I am a stay-at-home mom, so I have flexibility with our days.

I found that using time intervals–instead of basing the routine off the clock–created a routine that was flexible but still offered my babies the comfort about what was coming up next.  Juniper was the most happy with about 3-3.5 hoursbetween waking and going back to sleep.  When she was about 6 months old, Juniper’s routine would begin with her waking up for the day.  I would feed her breakfast, play with her and do tummy time while her big sister was eating breakfast, get the three of us dressed, then about 2.5 hours after she initially woke up, I would nurse her for about a half an hour to forty-five minutes until she fell asleep for nap.  During her naptime, Lily and I would do one of her classes or another activity (like going for a walk or to the playground).  I would let Juniper sleep as long as she wanted, and then we would start the routine over (meal of solids, play/activity, nurse, nap) again, this would fit into about 3/3.5 hours.  At this point, Juniper was taking two naps a day and going to bed around 6/6:30 at night.  Because we were not tied to the clock, if Juniper wanted to nurse an extra time or take an extra nap, our entire day was not thrown off.

Setting a routine doesn’t have to be a struggle to have your baby follow a schedule based on the clock.  Setting a routine based on a pattern during a rough time interval offers your baby predictability and meets her needs based on her natural schedule with the flexibility that she needs day to day.

Becky Nagel is a stay at home mom to two girls, a three year old and a one year old, in Denver, CO who enjoys cooking for her family, running, and hiking.

***This article originally appeared under blogger BreastfeedBabywearClothdiaper at http://www.breastfeedbabywearclothdiaper.com/need-daily-routine?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BreastfeedBabywearClothDiaperNaturally+%28Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally%21%29. Reposted with permission.

My Two Births....

by Ellie Tricker

My two births happened three years and two months apart. My first child was a slow-moving son, and my second child was a daughter who seemed to be in an enormous hurry. The details of my birth experiences differ wildly.

         Thaddeus was born slowly, quietly, and privately. Ben and I labored all night long, moaning and dancing our way through the bedroom, great room, and bathroom. My memory is of being mothered through the process by Rachel, who comforted and consoled me at regular intervals. I remember the feeling of her hands on my neck as I dozed exhaustedly in the rocking chair in the pre-dawn hours. I remember her spoon feeding me honey. She put her hands on my hips, teaching me how to sway from side to side, as gracefully as a walrus (or so I felt) as I hung my arms heavily around Ben's neck. Hours after we arrived to bring forth our first child, another mother arrived. When the sounds of her baby carried through the wall long before I had even dilated completely, I began to despair, but Rachel consoled me with such love and tenderness that I was able to relax and refocus. I am the sort of woman who tends to be in charge of everything and be totally equipped. Therefore, it was alarming to be at the mercy of my body. I felt like I was failing somehow, and Rachel imparted the necessary grace that I needed to accept the birth journey I was on. She gave me exactly what I needed.

        Penelope, in contrast, has had an urgency about her since the moment she felt ready to emerge from the womb! Although I was in early labor for an entire week with her, once she got serious, nothing could stop her. We settled in for another long labor, but only three hours after arriving at the Birth Center, Penelope was in my arms. And while Ben and I had relished our quiet privacy the first time, this felt more like a birth(day) party. Two of my friends met us there to help care for Tad (who came with us) and to help document the event. We had a fruit tray and told funny stories. Ironically, even with the noise and celebratory atmosphere, I was able to focus more  this second time around. I finally understood what it meant to ride the wave of each contraction and to go deeper into my body. I accomplished my goal of not actually pushing my daughter out at all, instead letting the contractions do the work. Even so, the amount of time between crowning and having Penny on my chest was only three minutes. Before I got into the tub for the final bit of labor, I stood over the toilet and suddenly felt chilled to the bone. I had been really present for the whole labor, but suddenly I felt a wave of panic. I began to shiver uncontrollably and Nancy (who had arrived an hour before) put her hands on my shoulders and told me I was probably in transition. I hadn't really felt transition with Tad's birth because the whole labor was so intense and painful that there was no discernible difference. This was wild and somewhat terrifying! But when I felt Nancy's hands on my shoulders, I felt a cooling sensation pass down through my whole body. My eyes locked on hers and I remembered that I could do this! Somehow I found myself back in the tub and, though I wanted to birth on my hands and knees as I did before, I was instructed to lie down on my back to slow baby down. This was so contrary to my ideas, but it turned out to be quite helpful! Penny practically flew out, and just like in those magical stories, once she was on my belly she slithered up to my breast of her own accord and latched immediately. I think I tried to force Tad to nurse for several minutes before I relaxed and gave up pressuring him. He finally nursed in the bed an hour or so after he was born.

        My births were so similar in some ways. I was in the same room, both provided peaceful, joyful memories. Patty was the midwife who met us at the Birth Center both times, leaving us with the midwife on the next shift. Both times I received the special type of coaching I needed, though the particulars of how each birth played out were so different. The model of trusting women and their bodies works so beautifully, because with varying circumstances, the outcome ends up being the same. My joy was complete for both of my births, and I felt supported, loved, and trusted.

        I feel so immensely grateful for the Birth Center, and particularly for Rachel, who gave me the birth I dreamed of. I transferred to Fairhaven quite late in my first pregnancy solely because Rachel was willing to spend quite a long time with me both on the phone and in person to determine whether we could work together for only a few short weeks. Because of my births, I began to trust my power, my stamina, and indeed my true femininity in a way I could never have anticipated. My births have taught me more about my deepest strength more than any other experience I've ever had, and have opened me in a special way to conscious, peaceful parenting. I really believe that peace on earth can begin with birth. My safe, conscious, peaceful births helped me realize that my children were active participants in their earth-side emergence. Beginning my parenting journey in this way has helped launch me on a trajectory of respect, awareness, and reverence for the full human beings my children are. Indeed, my births have helped me respect myself more fully and to appreciate the ways my husband and partner contributes to our lives as well. Giving birth at Goshen Birth Center under the supervision and care of knowledgeable, compassionate midwives has changed my life for the better in a real and meaningful way.

Choosing the right baby carrier

The post Choosing the Right Baby Carrier appeared first on Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally!.

When looking at baby carriers, a couple of key questions will help you begin to narrow down your search:

• What age is your baby – Do you have a newborn or are you looking to wear it with your toddler? Does your child have any special needs or health concerns to keep in mind?
• How are you thinking you will use it - As an out and about carrier? Around the house? Able to breastfeed in it?
• What is your price range?

Starting with these key questions, you can work through the categories of carriers and make your selection from there. There are five categories:

• Pouch – these are size-specific, one-shoulder carriers that are worn like a sash diagonally across your body. Great for quick trips and minimal fuss, but can be hard to find the correct size and not as comfortable for longer lengths of wearing due to the weight being only distributed on one shoulder.
• Ring Sling – these are generally one size or able to be adjusted to fit a range of sizes and worn in a similar manner to Pouches. They are great for breastfeeding, with newborns and toddlers, and can be wonderful for using when sitting down or when putting on in tight quarters. They can be less comfortable for the same reason as a pouch, and can also feel less secure as baby starts to wiggle and arch.
•  Mei Tai – these are usually rectangular or square with two sets of straps that wrap around you and knot to secure. They generally have a lower learning curve and can be adjusted to fit a variety of body shapes. They can be a bit trickier to use with a newborn or small baby due to the fixed size of the body panel.
• Soft Structure Carrier – these are usually rectangular and have buckles attaching the waist and shoulder straps around the wearer. They are generally loved from about when baby is 6 months and up, unless you have an insert or one that features an adjustable base option for use with smaller babies. Some find fit plays the biggest part in whether or not they love this style, since the carrier construction is a more fixed design.
• Wrap – these are long lengths of fabric designed to be used to carry a baby. They have one of the higher learning curves and a myriad of fabric options, but are highly praised for their comfort and adjustability.

The most common carriers that are loved in the newborn stage are stretchy wraps and ring slings. The comfort and the ability to hug baby while providing the necessary support found in these two styles make them an ideal choice for a first carrier.
If you can make it out to a local shop or babywearing group to try a few different styles out, that is often the best way to find out what you love and what fits you best. Check out Babywearing International for a list of chapters nationwide.


TaiLeah Madill is mama to three and lives in Phoenix, Arizona. She is passionate about volunteering with her local babywearing group and helping other families enjoy the benefits of wearing their little ones. 

When Breastfeeding Isn't An Option

Written by KristenM

When I started nursing my first child nearly nine years ago, I couldn’t turn to my my mother for advice. That’s because she, like many in her generation, had been told by her doctor that she couldn’t make enough breastmilk for her kids to thrive. So, like many of her peers, she stopped nursing and switched to commercial formula.

Instead of relying on the age old wisdom passed down from mother to daughter for generations, I had to do something scary — wade through vitriolic internet forums about breastfeeding on mothering boards.

Read on

Two Sustainable Businesses in South Bend Connect!

Ecological Babies, a cloth diaper, sling, and natural parenting business and resource in South Bend is now offering some of their top cloth diapers and accessories for sale in the storefront Just Goods in downtown South Bend. Besides the items in the store, anyone can visit Ecological Babies’ site, place an order for any items, and then pick them up at their convenience at Just Goods.

For Downtown South Bend's "First Fridays", Ecological Babies will be featured there in March.  The prior Wednesday evening, we're going to have a reception to kick off our official partnership, Just Goods & Ecological Babies.  It will be 2/27 from 5-7pm and all are more than welcome to come in the store! 

Shared from Michiana Birth

Natural Pregnancy and birth....

If you’re considering a natural pregnancy and birth, you’ll probably want to add home or birth center water birth to the list of topics you and your husband are studying. While this process of giving birth in a carefully controlled water tub has been slow to catch on in hospitals, more of them are offering this service to expectant mothers than ever before. This is largely because of the overwhelming benefits of a water birth for both mother and baby, which are listed (full article).


Natural Pregnancy Tips

Giving Birth Without Intervention

Attachment Parenting

Note from the blog poster- sometimes we need a reminder to refocus, a chance to regroup, a refresher of the principles, or a simple reaffirmation that while we're not perfect, we're mostly on track.

Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,^[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Adherents believe that sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being. They also believe that in extreme and rare conditions, the child may not form an attachment at all and may suffer from reactive attachment disorder. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.

Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:^{[citation needed]}

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting

1. Feed with Love and Respect

1. Respond with Sensitivity

1. Use Nurturing Touch

1. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

1. Provide Consistent Loving Care

1. Practice Positive Discipline

1. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

(wikipedia)

Attachment Parenting isn't new. In many ways, it is a return to the instinctual behaviors of our ancestors. In the last sixty years, the behaviors of attachment have been studied extensively by psychology and child development researchers, and more recently, by researchers studying the brain. This body of knowledge offers strong support for areas that are key to the optimal development of children, summarized below in API's Eight Principles of Parenting.  (AttachmentParentingInternational)


Personally, I’m a little uneasy with the term “attachment parenting.” It feels presumptuous; after all, what well-intentioned parent isn’t attached to her kids? Still, I must admit subscribing to some degree to many of the tenets of AP. In an interview, Bialik, 36, noted that AP is actually a continuum. “It’s not all or nothing,” she says. “Some people sleep with their kids, some people breast-feed their kids until they’re 5 and some people don’t. The core principle is that a child’s voice matters.” Read more


AP Subject of Public Television Documentary, API Blog Editor Featured, Shares Experience