Finding Support in Moms Groups

In today’s culture, having a baby can become an isolating factor for many mothers. Oftentimes, we are far from our family or used to being able to go our own ways. Motherhood changes your perspectives and your priorities. It resets your schedule and dominates your day-to-day calendar.

Finding others in similar situations can really relieve stress and restore your sanity! It can be hard to make new friends that are in the same life stage you are, especially if you don’t have anyone already in it.

Our society has a great many ways to help us find a new tribe and begin to forge new bonds of friendship. Meetup.com was the first place I began to look when I found myself with a new little one and no close friends nearby with little ones themselves. I tried a few different groups before I found one I clicked with.

It took courage to go to a few meetings, not knowing anyone and not being super outgoing and willing to insert myself into conversations. But babies are great ice breakers. After a few times, my son gravitated to a few of the same kids and I found myself being easily drawn into those mothers’ conversations.

Facebook has a plethora of groups these days, and many times can be a great place to find other mothers that have similar interests and build your new community. Whether it’s an interest like fitness or a geographical location, pick a few that appeal to you and try them out. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!

La Leche League or local library story times are other great places to begin to branch out and meeting new mamas and their little ones. These are free and often can be found in the evenings and weekends so working families can get in on the fun, too.

Building your community takes time and effort. Stick with it and keep going when you find a group you love. Let your little one help you break the ice with new friends and, in your turn, welcome those new mamas when you see them. Each of us needs each other.

TaiLeah Madill is mama to three and lives in Phoenix, Arizona. She is passionate about volunteering with her local babywearing group and helping other families enjoy the benefits of wearing their little ones. 

***Originally posted via BreastfeedBabywearClothDiaper.Naturally  Reposted with permission.

What is Attachment Parenting?

By Peggy O’Mara, CEO of peggyomara.com

Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. It is not about abdicating authority as a parent, but about responding to the legitimate biological needs of a baby. It is firmly based in the sciences of anthropology and psychology and specifically on the theory of attachment.

THE THEORY OF ATTACHMENT

The theory of attachment originated with psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) whose influential 1951 report to the World Health Organization set the first standard for infant and child care:

the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.

Bowlby and others identified the first three years of life as a critical period during which the foundation is set for attachment to self and others. Qualities secured during this period include: trust, empathy, dependency, affection, conscience and optimism. According to Maggie Scarf in Unfinished Business (Ballantine: 1981)

The ancients well knew that the experience of being in love recapitulates the mother-child relationship in its intimate physical attachment, trust and dependency. It has been shown even in the animal realm that adequate sexual functioning in adulthood depends on satisfactory relations with the mother in infancy.”

LOOKING FOR SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT

When breastfeeding rates doubled between 1972 and 1982, mothers were looking for ways to reconcile the needs of their babies with the popular wisdom of the day. Breastfeeding moms were finding, for example, that their babies wanted to be held a lot while popular wisdom warned that holding was spoiling. Attachment theory reassured these new breastfeeding pioneers that touching and holding were not only good for babies, but essential to their optimal development.

John Bowlby, for example, observed during WWI that babies in orphanages died if they were neither talked to or touched.

Eric Erikson identified the first year of life as a stage during which we learn to have faith in other people and in the environment. During this time of total dependency, if we receive adequate physical care that is warm, loving and demonstrative, we will learn to trust. On the other hand, if our care is cold, indifferent and rejecting we will learn to mistrust.

Bowlby’s colleague, Mary Ainsworth, was a medical researcher who observed that the indulgence of early dependency needs leads to independence and self-reliance. According to Ainsworth, it is the sensitive responsiveness of the mother that enables the child to explore the environment.

Margaret Mead, whose seminal book Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) informed the sexual revolution, observed in her field studies as an anthropologist that the most violent tribes were those that withheld touch in infancy.

According to neurologist Richard Restak, social behavior is related to early experiences in significant ways,

Physical holding and carrying of the infant turns out to be the most important factor responsible for the infant’s normal mental and social development.

Rest of article

Walking With Intention Day 18

“Our intention creates our reality.”

– Wayne Dyer

The concept of “intention” has never held very much meaning for me beyond a few experiences with Catholic volunteers. It was a nice, though abstract, concept. Living intentionally never became so important to me until I had a baby.

In my mind, walking with intention means a few different things. On one hand, it means being present to the current moment. On the other hand, it means being conscientious and deliberate about my attitude, my actions and my words, because those three things influence my reality and my future.

Being Present

This is my first child and I’m daily fumbling with getting it right. Since her birth, it has been very important to me to be present in a way I never was before, when I would daydream my way through a never-ending afternoon and seek to rush an uncomfortable moment.

Now, I’m trying to be catalogue every precious little moment, like her determined face and middle-of-the-night sighs or the small moments in a quiet house that she’s playing independently. I’m (trying to!) not wishing away the long nights of overtired screaming because I know the day will come that I will wish problems could be solved with mere rocking, kisses, and a round of “Baby Mine.” I’m trying to make note of every time we nurse or she presses her cheek to mine, because one of those times will be the last time, and I love them. I love every day with her, even the minutes that suck. I am crazy in love with her right now, and she adores me. I am the best thing ever. I make her laugh and I calm her, and I know I won’t always.

Being Conscious and Deliberate

I didn’t grow up around children, and before I had her, I honestly just thought they were little jerks. I couldn’t imagine how parents could put up with their attitude. (At the time, I also couldn’t imagine loving something the way I love her, but now I get it.)  During my pregnancy and ever since she was born, I have been anxious about the “terrible twos,” having a “threenager,” and every day she grows, I hate that she’s getting closer to that time. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it and I’m afraid I’m going to hate her, the being with half my heart.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to think of her as a “terror,” and I don’t want to be her adversary. I know that, as her mother, it is going to be my job to set boundaries she won’t like and she will see me as her enemy sometimes, but I don’t want to see her as the enemy.

She is not the enemy.

My anxiety of that time is lessened and I think (hope) my ability to respond from a place of love will increase when I am intentional in my thoughts about her. I believe the way I think and talk about her will make a big difference in how I perceive her.  Even when my Wee One is acting stubborn, disobedient, or rude, if I say those things are who she is, I will believe them. If i can be intentional in my thoughts about her and consider her as a whole person, I will see things differently and be able to respond to her differently. When she pushes against me, or when she’s rude or disrespectful, it is because she is learning the rules of social interaction and experimenting with different behaviors. Or it is because I am expecting something of her that she is not developmentally able to do. Moreover, she’s acting out with me because she knows she’s safe with me.

In my practice as a drug and alcohol counselor, I read and found to be true that the strongest tool I had when working with a client was my relationship with them. I also noticed that the clients who did best were those who had a strong relationship with me.  (In this context, by “best,” I do not mean the ones who stayed sober and got housed. I mean the ones who stayed connected with our program and kept trying.) They knew they could come to me drunk, or call me from prison, or send me to talk to their P.O. and lawyers, and I still respected and believed in their ability to change.

I remember this and also think about my relationship with my own mother, with whom I have always been safe. I think the quality of relationship with my daughter is going to be the most important thing I have in my ability to help her grow. To do this, I need to stay aware of the bigger picture and act with intention to keep our relationship sacred.

Sarah Myers

I am a St. Louis native and social worker who spent 10 years working with homeless addicts in North city. In about the course of a year I got married, had a child, left my job and moved to the Seattle area – made about every big change one can make.  Now I’m a stay at home mom and loving every day of it, but I’m also trying to rebuild my life around these big changes.

https://theseekersdungeon.com/2015/11/18/walking-with-intention-day-18-by-sarah-myers/

***Reposted with permission via http://creosomnium.org/

How To Write A Birth Plan

After giving birth to my second child, I was quite the talk of the maternity ward. It wasn’t because I arrived at the hospital 9.5 cm dilated or that labor progressed so quickly that my midwife barely made it in time (both of which are true). It was because of my birth plan. Before my first child was born, I developed a birth plan that I used for both deliveries. It wasn’t anything too unusual or bizarre, at least not in my opinion. It included things like I wanted the option to eat during labor, keep my contact lenses in, have access to a birthing tub, have my partner by my side at all times, be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits, and do it all without the aid of drugs and other interventions.

So why was my plan the talk of the ward? Because according to the nursing student who spoke at length to me about it, she had never seen one before. She was so amazed by the whole idea that other classmates joined her in my room to discuss how I developed it and what had gone into the process. In that moment, I realized how important the plan was to me, not because I felt it was directions for the hospital to follow, but because it helped me understand what my goal was and kept me focused on achieving it. How did I develop the plan?

• Research. I did a lot of research beginning the moment I found out I was pregnant. I read books like “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” by Henci Goer, attended birthing classes and listened to moms tell about their experiences. Gathering all that information helped me better understand the birth process and my personal preferences.
• Write. With a general framework of preferences in mind, I went online to the Baby Center’s website and used a program to create my personalized plan. I simply clicked a few boxes, typed in a few descriptions and printed out my own plan.
• Discuss. I didn’t wait for the labor pains to begin and then surprise the hospital staff with my hopes and desires. I presented my plan to my midwife during a prenatal visit. She looked it over and we discussed it. She let me know if anything was unusual or against hospital protocol so we could have that discussion up front and before the heat of labor. The talk helped me to further confirm that she was the correct care provider for me. I also made sure my birth advocate, my husband, was informed and that he could speak for me if need be.

By the time I entered the hospital, I knew what was realistic and what was not. I gave the labor and delivery nurse a copy and was comforted by the fact that my husband and midwife were by my side with the knowledge of my preferences already in mind.

Because I did the work up front to understand labor and my own personal philosophy, I knew what my preferences were. During the throes of labor, that knowledge kept me focused and moving forward, and made me feel as though my midwife and medical staff were working alongside of me as a team. The births of my two little ones were something I was involved in and not medical conditions that were happening to me. As a result, I had two good birth experiences and two healthy babies.

Did my births go 100 percent according to plan? Not exactly. But the point of developing the plan wasn’t to create a step-by-step outline of what labor and delivery would be like. Each birth is different and we can’t totally prepare for each twist and turn of the journey ahead. But what my plan did was put me and those around me in the right mindset so if a twist did occur, we had an idea of how to handle it. It empowered me to make well-informed decisions concerning both my baby and me.

As the nursing students continued to ask questions, I wondered how women could do labor without a plan or at least some amount of forethought. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be as formalized as the one I created, but to do the research and have the discussions up front with your care provider will certainly help prepare you for the journey to childbirth. Keep in mind that even the best-laid plan can be sidetracked. But knowing your preferences ahead of time will help keep you more focused when the pain sets in or a twist or turn comes along.


What about you? Did you create a birth plan? If so, did you find it helpful?

The post How To Write A Birth Plan first appeared on Unexpectant.com 

6 Easy Ways to be a Great Guest When Visiting a New Mom

So a friend has just had a baby and you’ve been invited over for your first visit. Yay, a sweet, squishy newborn to love on! Who doesn’t love that feeling of a tiny baby falling asleep in your arms? My own daughter is 2.5 years old now and often running away, rather than towards my arms so believe me that when I get the chance, I want to HOLD ALL THE BABIES! But the truth is that a new mom doesn’t really need you to hold the baby. Not all the time, at least. There is so much more that you can do that will make you the best visitor that new mom has had yet.

1. Bring food. A meal, a side dish, a gift card for local delivery – pretty much any of these items would be welcomed warmly by a new mom. Cooking is often the last thing on the list when baby is brand new. Freezer meals, soups, even fresh produce are all fantastic ways to help support a new family.
2. Ask after the mom, not just baby. So much cooing tends to happen over baby that a new mom can feel like she’s standing in the shadows. That lady just gave birth! Give her a high five and ask her, honestly, how she’s doing. Let her talk. She’ll probably just talk about the baby, but at least you gave her the opening to do so.
3. Help around the house. Every ounce of mom’s focus in those first few weeks, especially for a first time mom, is on baby and surviving the life altering changes that come with a newborn. Household chores can pile up and cause a lot of stress. Doing something as simple as unloading the dishwasher or tossing in a load of laundry can mean the world. Don’t offer, just do. If you ask, she’ll tell you not to bother. She’s being polite, but secretly she’d love you to wash a few dishes.
4. Let her shower. If you know her well, offer to watch the baby so that she can have a few blessed moments alone in the shower. New mom truth: days go by before you realize you haven’t showered. Giving her the chance to do so is both great for her and a sneaky way to hog all of that delicious newborn baby smell.
5. Limit your visit. Aim for a 30 minute visit the first time around. Mom’s bound to be tired, baby may or may not need to eat/sleep/poop (or all of the above!), and there have probably been many other visitors coming around to see the new arrival. As a new mom struggling to breastfeed, I hated the awkward moment when I had to slip away into the nursery while guests remained just on the other side of the wall in my living room. Keeping your visit short and sweet, at least at first, is a great way to keep mom relaxed.
6. Don’t show up unannounced. Just don’t do it. It’s rude at any time, whether dropping in on a new mom, your best friend, or your parents. Plus, frankly, a new nursing mom is likely to be mostly, if not entirely, undressed from the waist up. You’ve been warned.

There you have it! Easy steps that will make you the best guest a new mom sees. I promise, you’ll still get baby snuggles and you’ll probably be invited back sooner than anyone else!

What would be your tips, looking back, on ways to be a good guest to a new mom?



Kate is a mainly stay-at-home mom in the Pacific NW who seriously wants to Hold ALL the Babies! 

The post 6 Easy Ways to be a Great Guest When Visiting a New Mom appeared first on Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally!.

7 Ways To An Informed Birth

Giving birth is one of the biggest experiences of our lives. At what other point do our efforts result in bringing a new life into this world? Yet, women often go into birth with a lack of information. The result? Oftentimes it’s less than optimal. So what can you do try to improve that outcome? Be informed every step of the way. Here are 7 ways to have a more informed birth.

Read a lot.

Start with this list of my top 5 books on pregnancy and birth. But, go beyond the expected. Also, read books that cover the history of birth to get an overview of where we have been, where we are and where we might be headed. Check out “Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy and Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank by Randi Hutter Espstein. Read statistics and perspectives on birth such as Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block. Read real stories here and in books like Labor Pains and Birth Stories: Essays on Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Becoming a Parent edited by Jessica Powers.

Watch and listen.

Take a look at the documentary “The Business of Being Born” and listen to podcasts such as Preggie Pals.

Interview practitioners.

Explore your options before choosing a doctor or midwife. Decide what type of practitioner you want and how involved you want to be in your birth. Schedule meet-and-greets and ask questions. Find out what their c-section rates are, how often they induce, whether they continuously monitor the fetal heart rate, what their policy is on moving around during birth and more. Choose your practitioner when you are happy with the answers you received. Decide if you would also like a doula.

Seek advice.

Every mom has a story and she loves to tell it. Ask moms you know what it was like, if it went well and what she would do differently. Read through the birth stories on this site, as well.

Take a class.

Explore different options such as HypnoBirthing, Lamaze, Bradley method, your local hospital’s classes or the online Birth Boot Camp classes.

Develop a plan.
Once you’ve done your research, you will better understand what an optimal birth looks like to you. Write it down in a birth plan, discuss it with your practitioner, take it with you to the hospital, and talk with the labor and delivery nurses upon check-in.

Go beyond the birth.

Remember that a whole new world opens up once your little one enters the world, so study up on what’s to come after the labor pains stop. Be informed about breastfeeding, diapering options, sleep solutions and more.


Birth can be full of twists, turns and uncertainties, but by becoming informed, you better your chances of having a more optimal birth experience.

The post 7 Ways To An Informed Birth appeared first on Unexpectant.com

Choosing the right baby carrier

The post Choosing the Right Baby Carrier appeared first on Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally!.

When looking at baby carriers, a couple of key questions will help you begin to narrow down your search:

• What age is your baby – Do you have a newborn or are you looking to wear it with your toddler? Does your child have any special needs or health concerns to keep in mind?
• How are you thinking you will use it - As an out and about carrier? Around the house? Able to breastfeed in it?
• What is your price range?

Starting with these key questions, you can work through the categories of carriers and make your selection from there. There are five categories:

• Pouch – these are size-specific, one-shoulder carriers that are worn like a sash diagonally across your body. Great for quick trips and minimal fuss, but can be hard to find the correct size and not as comfortable for longer lengths of wearing due to the weight being only distributed on one shoulder.
• Ring Sling – these are generally one size or able to be adjusted to fit a range of sizes and worn in a similar manner to Pouches. They are great for breastfeeding, with newborns and toddlers, and can be wonderful for using when sitting down or when putting on in tight quarters. They can be less comfortable for the same reason as a pouch, and can also feel less secure as baby starts to wiggle and arch.
•  Mei Tai – these are usually rectangular or square with two sets of straps that wrap around you and knot to secure. They generally have a lower learning curve and can be adjusted to fit a variety of body shapes. They can be a bit trickier to use with a newborn or small baby due to the fixed size of the body panel.
• Soft Structure Carrier – these are usually rectangular and have buckles attaching the waist and shoulder straps around the wearer. They are generally loved from about when baby is 6 months and up, unless you have an insert or one that features an adjustable base option for use with smaller babies. Some find fit plays the biggest part in whether or not they love this style, since the carrier construction is a more fixed design.
• Wrap – these are long lengths of fabric designed to be used to carry a baby. They have one of the higher learning curves and a myriad of fabric options, but are highly praised for their comfort and adjustability.

The most common carriers that are loved in the newborn stage are stretchy wraps and ring slings. The comfort and the ability to hug baby while providing the necessary support found in these two styles make them an ideal choice for a first carrier.
If you can make it out to a local shop or babywearing group to try a few different styles out, that is often the best way to find out what you love and what fits you best. Check out Babywearing International for a list of chapters nationwide.


TaiLeah Madill is mama to three and lives in Phoenix, Arizona. She is passionate about volunteering with her local babywearing group and helping other families enjoy the benefits of wearing their little ones. 

When Breastfeeding Isn't An Option

Written by KristenM

When I started nursing my first child nearly nine years ago, I couldn’t turn to my my mother for advice. That’s because she, like many in her generation, had been told by her doctor that she couldn’t make enough breastmilk for her kids to thrive. So, like many of her peers, she stopped nursing and switched to commercial formula.

Instead of relying on the age old wisdom passed down from mother to daughter for generations, I had to do something scary — wade through vitriolic internet forums about breastfeeding on mothering boards.

Read on

Two Sustainable Businesses in South Bend Connect!

Ecological Babies, a cloth diaper, sling, and natural parenting business and resource in South Bend is now offering some of their top cloth diapers and accessories for sale in the storefront Just Goods in downtown South Bend. Besides the items in the store, anyone can visit Ecological Babies’ site, place an order for any items, and then pick them up at their convenience at Just Goods.

For Downtown South Bend's "First Fridays", Ecological Babies will be featured there in March.  The prior Wednesday evening, we're going to have a reception to kick off our official partnership, Just Goods & Ecological Babies.  It will be 2/27 from 5-7pm and all are more than welcome to come in the store! 

Shared from Michiana Birth

Birth Center study says.....

A new study has been released on birth centers!!! Here is Birth Without Fear's summary of the study. For more you can visit American Association Of Birth Centers. Links to the study and more are in the article!

"...of the 15,574 births included in the study, less than 1 in 16 births (6%) resulted in a cesarean birth. Based on current Medicare/Medicaid rates, all 15,574 births in the study may have contributed as much as $30 million in savings for facility costs alone."

Coats and Car Seats don't go together

Keeping kids WARM & SAFE in their car seats is not as simple as you might think. Winter coats & snowsuits are UNsafe as they create extra bulk that leaves the straps too loose in a crash - causing the child to come to a jolting stop (or in some cases to be ejected from their car seat). 
Do the "magic coat trick" - dress your child in 3 thin, tight layers (for about 50 degree weather), buckle the child & get the straps snug, have the child hold out their arms and put the coat on BACKWARDS (over the straps). Now the child is safer AND more comfortable (when the car warms up, the child can pull the coat off to prevent overheating). !

Keeping babies WARM & SAFE in their car seats is not as simple as you might think. Sleeping bags, like the Bundle Me, "forget" to mention that they violate the instructions & void the warranty to every car seat. Snowsuits & coats are unsafe for the same reason - all create extra bulk in the harness that leaves the straps too loose in a crash - causing the child to come to a jolting stop (or in some cases to be ejected from their car seat). 
Learn how to SAFELY SWADDLE your baby in the car seat - to keep baby warm and happy

Also see here for more coat tricks

FGBC Meeting- Wednesday Jan 25th: 6pm

Wednesday January 25
6-7:30 pm
Goshen Birth Center- if GBC in use, meeting will relocate to Fairhaven OB/Gyn.  

All are welcome- children, spouses, those interested in checking out FGBC, guests who'd like to know more about Goshen Birth Center and/or FGBC.

If you haven't already, please take a few moments to complete our 10 question survey as we gear up for the 2013 activities!http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/KPVNWVM