What is Attachment Parenting?

By Peggy O’Mara, CEO of peggyomara.com

Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. It is not about abdicating authority as a parent, but about responding to the legitimate biological needs of a baby. It is firmly based in the sciences of anthropology and psychology and specifically on the theory of attachment.

THE THEORY OF ATTACHMENT

The theory of attachment originated with psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) whose influential 1951 report to the World Health Organization set the first standard for infant and child care:

the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.

Bowlby and others identified the first three years of life as a critical period during which the foundation is set for attachment to self and others. Qualities secured during this period include: trust, empathy, dependency, affection, conscience and optimism. According to Maggie Scarf in Unfinished Business (Ballantine: 1981)

The ancients well knew that the experience of being in love recapitulates the mother-child relationship in its intimate physical attachment, trust and dependency. It has been shown even in the animal realm that adequate sexual functioning in adulthood depends on satisfactory relations with the mother in infancy.”

LOOKING FOR SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT

When breastfeeding rates doubled between 1972 and 1982, mothers were looking for ways to reconcile the needs of their babies with the popular wisdom of the day. Breastfeeding moms were finding, for example, that their babies wanted to be held a lot while popular wisdom warned that holding was spoiling. Attachment theory reassured these new breastfeeding pioneers that touching and holding were not only good for babies, but essential to their optimal development.

John Bowlby, for example, observed during WWI that babies in orphanages died if they were neither talked to or touched.

Eric Erikson identified the first year of life as a stage during which we learn to have faith in other people and in the environment. During this time of total dependency, if we receive adequate physical care that is warm, loving and demonstrative, we will learn to trust. On the other hand, if our care is cold, indifferent and rejecting we will learn to mistrust.

Bowlby’s colleague, Mary Ainsworth, was a medical researcher who observed that the indulgence of early dependency needs leads to independence and self-reliance. According to Ainsworth, it is the sensitive responsiveness of the mother that enables the child to explore the environment.

Margaret Mead, whose seminal book Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) informed the sexual revolution, observed in her field studies as an anthropologist that the most violent tribes were those that withheld touch in infancy.

According to neurologist Richard Restak, social behavior is related to early experiences in significant ways,

Physical holding and carrying of the infant turns out to be the most important factor responsible for the infant’s normal mental and social development.

Rest of article

Walking With Intention Day 18

“Our intention creates our reality.”

– Wayne Dyer

The concept of “intention” has never held very much meaning for me beyond a few experiences with Catholic volunteers. It was a nice, though abstract, concept. Living intentionally never became so important to me until I had a baby.

In my mind, walking with intention means a few different things. On one hand, it means being present to the current moment. On the other hand, it means being conscientious and deliberate about my attitude, my actions and my words, because those three things influence my reality and my future.

Being Present

This is my first child and I’m daily fumbling with getting it right. Since her birth, it has been very important to me to be present in a way I never was before, when I would daydream my way through a never-ending afternoon and seek to rush an uncomfortable moment.

Now, I’m trying to be catalogue every precious little moment, like her determined face and middle-of-the-night sighs or the small moments in a quiet house that she’s playing independently. I’m (trying to!) not wishing away the long nights of overtired screaming because I know the day will come that I will wish problems could be solved with mere rocking, kisses, and a round of “Baby Mine.” I’m trying to make note of every time we nurse or she presses her cheek to mine, because one of those times will be the last time, and I love them. I love every day with her, even the minutes that suck. I am crazy in love with her right now, and she adores me. I am the best thing ever. I make her laugh and I calm her, and I know I won’t always.

Being Conscious and Deliberate

I didn’t grow up around children, and before I had her, I honestly just thought they were little jerks. I couldn’t imagine how parents could put up with their attitude. (At the time, I also couldn’t imagine loving something the way I love her, but now I get it.)  During my pregnancy and ever since she was born, I have been anxious about the “terrible twos,” having a “threenager,” and every day she grows, I hate that she’s getting closer to that time. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it and I’m afraid I’m going to hate her, the being with half my heart.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to think of her as a “terror,” and I don’t want to be her adversary. I know that, as her mother, it is going to be my job to set boundaries she won’t like and she will see me as her enemy sometimes, but I don’t want to see her as the enemy.

She is not the enemy.

My anxiety of that time is lessened and I think (hope) my ability to respond from a place of love will increase when I am intentional in my thoughts about her. I believe the way I think and talk about her will make a big difference in how I perceive her.  Even when my Wee One is acting stubborn, disobedient, or rude, if I say those things are who she is, I will believe them. If i can be intentional in my thoughts about her and consider her as a whole person, I will see things differently and be able to respond to her differently. When she pushes against me, or when she’s rude or disrespectful, it is because she is learning the rules of social interaction and experimenting with different behaviors. Or it is because I am expecting something of her that she is not developmentally able to do. Moreover, she’s acting out with me because she knows she’s safe with me.

In my practice as a drug and alcohol counselor, I read and found to be true that the strongest tool I had when working with a client was my relationship with them. I also noticed that the clients who did best were those who had a strong relationship with me.  (In this context, by “best,” I do not mean the ones who stayed sober and got housed. I mean the ones who stayed connected with our program and kept trying.) They knew they could come to me drunk, or call me from prison, or send me to talk to their P.O. and lawyers, and I still respected and believed in their ability to change.

I remember this and also think about my relationship with my own mother, with whom I have always been safe. I think the quality of relationship with my daughter is going to be the most important thing I have in my ability to help her grow. To do this, I need to stay aware of the bigger picture and act with intention to keep our relationship sacred.

Sarah Myers

I am a St. Louis native and social worker who spent 10 years working with homeless addicts in North city. In about the course of a year I got married, had a child, left my job and moved to the Seattle area – made about every big change one can make.  Now I’m a stay at home mom and loving every day of it, but I’m also trying to rebuild my life around these big changes.

https://theseekersdungeon.com/2015/11/18/walking-with-intention-day-18-by-sarah-myers/

***Reposted with permission via http://creosomnium.org/

Do We Need a Daily Routine?

During my baby’s first year, one of the most common topics of conversation was about how she was sleeping.  Friends/family/moms in mom groups/strangers in the grocery line all seemed really interested in how she was sleeping.  Once we had established a daily routine, my response was much more positive to the dreaded sleep question. Routinesare needed because they let your baby what to expect next, according to Babycenter.  When babies can anticipate what happens next, it provides comfort to them and helps them sleep better. Experts say that routines can be established as early as 2 months or as old as 6 months old, depending on your (and your baby’s) personality.

My first daughter was a snacker. She liked to nurse for short amounts of time every hour or two all day, every day up until she was about six months old. At about 6 months, we started to establish a routine with her, encouraging her to eat more during the day and sleep for longer stretches at night. My younger daughter was content to nurse for long amounts of time, less frequently. We worked out our routine around 4 months. Establishing a routine earlier with my second daughter also benefited my first because we returned to many of our activities that we did before the baby was born.

There is a wide range of philosophies about establishing routines, ranging from the parents setting the routines to basing the daily routine on the baby’s natural schedule and everything in between. For me, and my children, building a routine around their natural schedules worked best.  However, I am a stay-at-home mom, so I have flexibility with our days.

I found that using time intervals–instead of basing the routine off the clock–created a routine that was flexible but still offered my babies the comfort about what was coming up next.  Juniper was the most happy with about 3-3.5 hoursbetween waking and going back to sleep.  When she was about 6 months old, Juniper’s routine would begin with her waking up for the day.  I would feed her breakfast, play with her and do tummy time while her big sister was eating breakfast, get the three of us dressed, then about 2.5 hours after she initially woke up, I would nurse her for about a half an hour to forty-five minutes until she fell asleep for nap.  During her naptime, Lily and I would do one of her classes or another activity (like going for a walk or to the playground).  I would let Juniper sleep as long as she wanted, and then we would start the routine over (meal of solids, play/activity, nurse, nap) again, this would fit into about 3/3.5 hours.  At this point, Juniper was taking two naps a day and going to bed around 6/6:30 at night.  Because we were not tied to the clock, if Juniper wanted to nurse an extra time or take an extra nap, our entire day was not thrown off.

Setting a routine doesn’t have to be a struggle to have your baby follow a schedule based on the clock.  Setting a routine based on a pattern during a rough time interval offers your baby predictability and meets her needs based on her natural schedule with the flexibility that she needs day to day.

Becky Nagel is a stay at home mom to two girls, a three year old and a one year old, in Denver, CO who enjoys cooking for her family, running, and hiking.

***This article originally appeared under blogger BreastfeedBabywearClothdiaper at http://www.breastfeedbabywearclothdiaper.com/need-daily-routine?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BreastfeedBabywearClothDiaperNaturally+%28Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally%21%29. Reposted with permission.

You Are Not a Lemon

Today I offer a simple quote of encouragement for all you pregnant women out there and even for those who aren’t. It comes from the very wise and prominent midwife, Ina May Gaskin:

 

“Your body is not a lemon.” In a society where we often hear that our bodies are broken or ugly or need improvement, remember these words. In a country that has over a 30% c-section rate (the World Health Organization recommends the rate be under 15%), this can be a fact that women don’t hear often enough, if at all. But I believe Psalm 139:14 when it says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And, I want you to believe it as well.

The truth is our bodies are pretty awesome. I mean they can grow little humans. And, sometimes they grow more than one little human at a time. And your uterus that protects those little humans starts out the size of a pear, but it expands about 500 times from its original size over the 40-ish weeks of gestation. Then within a month after birth, it returns to its pre-pregnancy size. Our bodies can nourish those little humans, while they are still inside and even afterwards through breast milk. In fact, our bodies are so awesome that the breast milk we create changes over time to meet the nutritional needs as our babies grow and change. We don’t have to take any special pills or drink any magic potions to make this possible; it just intrinsically and instinctively happens.

Now, I understand that there is a time and a place for certain birth interventions. I know that c-sections can and do save lives. And, I’m not saying that natural birth is the only way to go. But, I do know that many women fear birth. They fear what will happen to their bodies. They question whether or not they are capable of doing it. Take for instance what Nicole Klemp said in her birth story, “Before I was even pregnant, the thought of giving birth was terrifying. I was certain there was no way something the size of a watermelon was going to come out of me without ending in my untimely death.”

She is certainly not the only woman to feel this way and, sadly, oftentimes our society and even doctors don’t tell women otherwise.Instead, they perpetuate the dialog that discourages women from realizing just how awesome their bodies actually are. But, what Nicole discovered was that she was capable and that birth wasn’t as frightening as she had anticipated. In fact, she titled her story “That Wasn’t So Bad.”

So, if you are pregnant, ignore those negative voices, whether they are internal or external. Instead, do your research. Get the facts. Learn about birth. Find a midwife or physician who practices evidence-based care, not convenient care. As my midwife has often said:

“My job is to make sure [your birth is] safe and your job is to make sure it’s what you want.” ~ Kristin Vincent, midwife

And, even beyond birth, remember that your body is not a lemon. You are not a lemon. You are more capable than you realize. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and motherhood can be downright tough and exhausting both physically and mentally. But hear these words: YOU CAN DO IT. You were wonderfully made and designed to do it. You are not broken. The truth is you’ve been given a pretty awesome body that has been designed to do some really incredible things. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. And, know that you are not a lemon.

If you are pregnant and want to learn more about pregnancy and birth, take a look at my top five book recommendations. And, especially pick up a copy of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It’s packed full of important and helpful info for every pregnant woman.

The post Birth Encouragement You Are Not a Lemon appeared first on Unexpectant.com 

Two Sustainable Businesses in South Bend Connect!

Ecological Babies, a cloth diaper, sling, and natural parenting business and resource in South Bend is now offering some of their top cloth diapers and accessories for sale in the storefront Just Goods in downtown South Bend. Besides the items in the store, anyone can visit Ecological Babies’ site, place an order for any items, and then pick them up at their convenience at Just Goods.

For Downtown South Bend's "First Fridays", Ecological Babies will be featured there in March.  The prior Wednesday evening, we're going to have a reception to kick off our official partnership, Just Goods & Ecological Babies.  It will be 2/27 from 5-7pm and all are more than welcome to come in the store! 

Shared from Michiana Birth

Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives

Sneak preview screening hosted by Blessed Journeys 
Sunday March 17,2013 at the IPFW Alumni Center, Fort Wayne, Indiana at 1 pm
      
Film Screening “Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives”

   Question and Answer Session with Film Makers

        Gourmet Coffee/Tea and Dessert Reception with Silent Auction & Raffle 


Seats are limited! Tickets available online $15 or at the door $20

View the film trailer at http://vimeo.com/47116003

Visit the "Birth Story" website at www.birthstory.com

Natural Pregnancy and birth....

If you’re considering a natural pregnancy and birth, you’ll probably want to add home or birth center water birth to the list of topics you and your husband are studying. While this process of giving birth in a carefully controlled water tub has been slow to catch on in hospitals, more of them are offering this service to expectant mothers than ever before. This is largely because of the overwhelming benefits of a water birth for both mother and baby, which are listed (full article).


Natural Pregnancy Tips

Giving Birth Without Intervention

Attachment Parenting

Note from the blog poster- sometimes we need a reminder to refocus, a chance to regroup, a refresher of the principles, or a simple reaffirmation that while we're not perfect, we're mostly on track.

Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,^[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Adherents believe that sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being. They also believe that in extreme and rare conditions, the child may not form an attachment at all and may suffer from reactive attachment disorder. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.

Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:^{[citation needed]}

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting

1. Feed with Love and Respect

1. Respond with Sensitivity

1. Use Nurturing Touch

1. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

1. Provide Consistent Loving Care

1. Practice Positive Discipline

1. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

(wikipedia)

Attachment Parenting isn't new. In many ways, it is a return to the instinctual behaviors of our ancestors. In the last sixty years, the behaviors of attachment have been studied extensively by psychology and child development researchers, and more recently, by researchers studying the brain. This body of knowledge offers strong support for areas that are key to the optimal development of children, summarized below in API's Eight Principles of Parenting.  (AttachmentParentingInternational)


Personally, I’m a little uneasy with the term “attachment parenting.” It feels presumptuous; after all, what well-intentioned parent isn’t attached to her kids? Still, I must admit subscribing to some degree to many of the tenets of AP. In an interview, Bialik, 36, noted that AP is actually a continuum. “It’s not all or nothing,” she says. “Some people sleep with their kids, some people breast-feed their kids until they’re 5 and some people don’t. The core principle is that a child’s voice matters.” Read more


AP Subject of Public Television Documentary, API Blog Editor Featured, Shares Experience