Finding Support in Moms Groups

In today’s culture, having a baby can become an isolating factor for many mothers. Oftentimes, we are far from our family or used to being able to go our own ways. Motherhood changes your perspectives and your priorities. It resets your schedule and dominates your day-to-day calendar.

Finding others in similar situations can really relieve stress and restore your sanity! It can be hard to make new friends that are in the same life stage you are, especially if you don’t have anyone already in it.

Our society has a great many ways to help us find a new tribe and begin to forge new bonds of friendship. Meetup.com was the first place I began to look when I found myself with a new little one and no close friends nearby with little ones themselves. I tried a few different groups before I found one I clicked with.

It took courage to go to a few meetings, not knowing anyone and not being super outgoing and willing to insert myself into conversations. But babies are great ice breakers. After a few times, my son gravitated to a few of the same kids and I found myself being easily drawn into those mothers’ conversations.

Facebook has a plethora of groups these days, and many times can be a great place to find other mothers that have similar interests and build your new community. Whether it’s an interest like fitness or a geographical location, pick a few that appeal to you and try them out. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!

La Leche League or local library story times are other great places to begin to branch out and meeting new mamas and their little ones. These are free and often can be found in the evenings and weekends so working families can get in on the fun, too.

Building your community takes time and effort. Stick with it and keep going when you find a group you love. Let your little one help you break the ice with new friends and, in your turn, welcome those new mamas when you see them. Each of us needs each other.

TaiLeah Madill is mama to three and lives in Phoenix, Arizona. She is passionate about volunteering with her local babywearing group and helping other families enjoy the benefits of wearing their little ones. 

***Originally posted via BreastfeedBabywearClothDiaper.Naturally  Reposted with permission.

What is Attachment Parenting?

By Peggy O’Mara, CEO of peggyomara.com

Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. It is not about abdicating authority as a parent, but about responding to the legitimate biological needs of a baby. It is firmly based in the sciences of anthropology and psychology and specifically on the theory of attachment.

THE THEORY OF ATTACHMENT

The theory of attachment originated with psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) whose influential 1951 report to the World Health Organization set the first standard for infant and child care:

the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.

Bowlby and others identified the first three years of life as a critical period during which the foundation is set for attachment to self and others. Qualities secured during this period include: trust, empathy, dependency, affection, conscience and optimism. According to Maggie Scarf in Unfinished Business (Ballantine: 1981)

The ancients well knew that the experience of being in love recapitulates the mother-child relationship in its intimate physical attachment, trust and dependency. It has been shown even in the animal realm that adequate sexual functioning in adulthood depends on satisfactory relations with the mother in infancy.”

LOOKING FOR SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT

When breastfeeding rates doubled between 1972 and 1982, mothers were looking for ways to reconcile the needs of their babies with the popular wisdom of the day. Breastfeeding moms were finding, for example, that their babies wanted to be held a lot while popular wisdom warned that holding was spoiling. Attachment theory reassured these new breastfeeding pioneers that touching and holding were not only good for babies, but essential to their optimal development.

John Bowlby, for example, observed during WWI that babies in orphanages died if they were neither talked to or touched.

Eric Erikson identified the first year of life as a stage during which we learn to have faith in other people and in the environment. During this time of total dependency, if we receive adequate physical care that is warm, loving and demonstrative, we will learn to trust. On the other hand, if our care is cold, indifferent and rejecting we will learn to mistrust.

Bowlby’s colleague, Mary Ainsworth, was a medical researcher who observed that the indulgence of early dependency needs leads to independence and self-reliance. According to Ainsworth, it is the sensitive responsiveness of the mother that enables the child to explore the environment.

Margaret Mead, whose seminal book Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) informed the sexual revolution, observed in her field studies as an anthropologist that the most violent tribes were those that withheld touch in infancy.

According to neurologist Richard Restak, social behavior is related to early experiences in significant ways,

Physical holding and carrying of the infant turns out to be the most important factor responsible for the infant’s normal mental and social development.

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Benefits of Babywearing

By Peggy O’Mara, founder of Mothering.com

Babywearing is a necessity for women all over the world who carry their babies while they work and do domestic tasks. This practice has been around for centuries, but has seen a dramatic resurgence in popularity in recent years. Why? Because touch is good for us.

THE BENEFITS OF TOUCH

According to a study in Pediatrics, babies who are carried cry less. Babywearing for three hours a day reduced infant crying by 43 percent overall and 54 percent during the evening hours.

A study at Columbia University compared the attachment of babies carried in a baby carrier with babies carried in a car seat. After 13 months, the babies who had been transported in wearable carriers were significantly more attached to their mothers.

According to research at Dr. Tiffany Field’s The Touch Institute, touch therapy has been shown to:

Facilitate weight gain in preterm infants

Enhance attentiveness

Alleviate depressive symptoms

Reduce pain

Reduce stress hormones

Improve immune function.

Ashley Montagu was the first to remind us of the power of touch in his 1971 classic, Touching::The Human Significance of the Skin. According to Montagu, touch for infants is important because of their developmental vulnerability:

This intensification of cutaneous stimulations is especially necessary in the human fetus because, contrary to general belief, the period of gestation is not completed when the baby is born. It is only half-completed.

Nils and Jill Bergman’s work advocating “kangaroo care” for premature babies recalls Montagu’s characterization of humans as marsupials. Kangaroo care is continuous or prolonged maternal-infant-skin-to-skin contact (supplemented by father or other attachment figure). Research shows that it improves outcomes for premature babies and the Bergman’s recommend it for both premature and full-term babies.

OXYTOCIN

Touching is not just good for baby. Adults also benefit  from oxytocin, the neuropeptide released into the bloodstream during many types of touching. Oxytocin makes us want to touch and cuddle. Its release promotes feelings of devotion, trust and bonding. It lowers our heart rate and blood pressure making us feel more soothed and less stressed.

TYPES OF BABY CARRIERS

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How To Write A Birth Plan

After giving birth to my second child, I was quite the talk of the maternity ward. It wasn’t because I arrived at the hospital 9.5 cm dilated or that labor progressed so quickly that my midwife barely made it in time (both of which are true). It was because of my birth plan. Before my first child was born, I developed a birth plan that I used for both deliveries. It wasn’t anything too unusual or bizarre, at least not in my opinion. It included things like I wanted the option to eat during labor, keep my contact lenses in, have access to a birthing tub, have my partner by my side at all times, be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits, and do it all without the aid of drugs and other interventions.

So why was my plan the talk of the ward? Because according to the nursing student who spoke at length to me about it, she had never seen one before. She was so amazed by the whole idea that other classmates joined her in my room to discuss how I developed it and what had gone into the process. In that moment, I realized how important the plan was to me, not because I felt it was directions for the hospital to follow, but because it helped me understand what my goal was and kept me focused on achieving it. How did I develop the plan?

• Research. I did a lot of research beginning the moment I found out I was pregnant. I read books like “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” by Henci Goer, attended birthing classes and listened to moms tell about their experiences. Gathering all that information helped me better understand the birth process and my personal preferences.
• Write. With a general framework of preferences in mind, I went online to the Baby Center’s website and used a program to create my personalized plan. I simply clicked a few boxes, typed in a few descriptions and printed out my own plan.
• Discuss. I didn’t wait for the labor pains to begin and then surprise the hospital staff with my hopes and desires. I presented my plan to my midwife during a prenatal visit. She looked it over and we discussed it. She let me know if anything was unusual or against hospital protocol so we could have that discussion up front and before the heat of labor. The talk helped me to further confirm that she was the correct care provider for me. I also made sure my birth advocate, my husband, was informed and that he could speak for me if need be.

By the time I entered the hospital, I knew what was realistic and what was not. I gave the labor and delivery nurse a copy and was comforted by the fact that my husband and midwife were by my side with the knowledge of my preferences already in mind.

Because I did the work up front to understand labor and my own personal philosophy, I knew what my preferences were. During the throes of labor, that knowledge kept me focused and moving forward, and made me feel as though my midwife and medical staff were working alongside of me as a team. The births of my two little ones were something I was involved in and not medical conditions that were happening to me. As a result, I had two good birth experiences and two healthy babies.

Did my births go 100 percent according to plan? Not exactly. But the point of developing the plan wasn’t to create a step-by-step outline of what labor and delivery would be like. Each birth is different and we can’t totally prepare for each twist and turn of the journey ahead. But what my plan did was put me and those around me in the right mindset so if a twist did occur, we had an idea of how to handle it. It empowered me to make well-informed decisions concerning both my baby and me.

As the nursing students continued to ask questions, I wondered how women could do labor without a plan or at least some amount of forethought. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be as formalized as the one I created, but to do the research and have the discussions up front with your care provider will certainly help prepare you for the journey to childbirth. Keep in mind that even the best-laid plan can be sidetracked. But knowing your preferences ahead of time will help keep you more focused when the pain sets in or a twist or turn comes along.


What about you? Did you create a birth plan? If so, did you find it helpful?

The post How To Write A Birth Plan first appeared on Unexpectant.com 

The Birth of Piper Rose

This was written by Molly Martin, a friend/coworker of mine from a decade ago. We kept in touch over the years and ended up having children about a year apart from each other. She's a mother of two and has had a successful VBAC (that story yet to come). Molly recently posted this birth story on her blog (Http://www.roseandodin.blogspot.com) and has allowed us to share her story here as she continues to advocate for natural birth and natural parenting.

~ Brigitta, President of Friends of Goshen Birth Center
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May 17, 2006 at 6:00 pm my water broke. I was now at the threshold of motherhood; the final trial was now set in motion and afterward I would be rewarded with a babe in my arms.

I was ready and smiling. I phoned the midwife. My instructions were: eat, rest and call back when my contractions have been two minutes apart for an hour OR in twelve hours. 

It was twelve hours later when I phoned again. The contractions had been somewhat frequent but had not progressed. 

I was admitted and asked a bunch of irrelevant questions and I was checked. The nurse looked puzzled and asked: "are you sure this baby is head down? You are only dilated to MAYBE a one."

My heart sank. Since the time I was 32 weeks pregnant I have been asking my midwives, at each visit, about the baby's position. I had a very large, hard part of the baby stuck under my right rib and this part of the baby stayed exactly in the same spot until the end. 

Three of the four midwives in the practice agreed that this hard lump was the butt. (The fourth midwife was at my delivery and we had not had an appointment with her after 30 weeks.) 

I just felt, all along, that this lump was indeed the head but it was my first pregnancy and these ladies are skilled in feeling babies in bellies. I did not argue and was reassured that the baby was head down and there was no reason for concern or to think the delivery would not go smoothly. 

The nurse brought in an ultra sound machine, scanned the lump at my rib and then politely excused herself to call in the OB. 

The OB came in and scanned my belly. There was the head, right under my rib. She took my hand, I began to cry, she said: "We are going to have to do a c-section at this point. Your water has broken and there is no way to flip your baby. You will be holding your baby within minutes."

I was shaking and crying.

My midwife arrived. She hugged me and said: "It will be ok. This is the safest option. You will be holding your baby very soon."

I phoned friends and my sister-in-law. My parents were with me as they had driven in from Oregon to be here.

I was then descended upon by an assortment of technicians and nurses. The anesthesiologist arrived detailing everything she would be doing. The OB had a form for me to sign. It listed all the possible risks associated with c-sections. Including death.  

I walked myself down the hallway with my medical team entourage. Nick was suited up. My brother called just then to say he loved me.

I entered the surgical room with the midwife and anesthesiologist. It was freezing cold. I took a deep breath. Then I was lying down under glaring lights with my arm strapped down and my lower half numb. I was unable to escape this fate. 

Nick had arrived at my side and Paul Simon was playing on the stereo. The dividing curtain was up, I was helpless and I began to cry. This was humiliating and degrading. It was 7:00 AM.

At 7:09 she was born. I just caught a glimpse of her over the curtain and she was gone across the room. Out of sight and out of reach. Several nurses wished me congratulations and a few said: "Don't worry, her head will look fine in a week or so." Wait, what was wrong with her head?

She was given the all clear and Nick was able to bring her over to me.  A hat was on her head. She looked perfect and was very alert. Still strapped down, I was unable to touch her. I was stitched on the inside and stapled back together on the outside. We moved to the recovery room but not before one final dose of something nauseating administered through the line in my spine by the anesthesiologist.

The recovery room was a swirling vision of haziness. There were a lot of people and beeping things in the room. They measured and weighed her then placed her on my belly. She wriggled her little body up and latched on. I was dizzy and happy but mostly dizzy. They wheeled us to our room. I fought sleep and nausea desperately trying to focus on the little warm body that was laying on my chest. I was starving. I kept thinking: "If only I could eat a sandwich I would feel better." I wanted normalcy. I wanted to be coherent. I wanted to relish every second of this newborn's first day. My newborn. I talked the nurses into letting me eat a popsicle.

I threw up on my baby.

They took her away for her first bath and dosed me up on anti-nausea medicine. I fell back asleep. Off and on throughout the day I would be given more anti-nausea medicine and then fall sleep. I would open my eyes to see either Nick, my mom, or my dad holding Piper. Keeping a vigil at my bedside. It was very comforting. I don't think I would have fared so well if she had been whisked away to the nursery.

It was not until sometime in the evening when I was able to eat again and the numbness gone. I was awake and I was determined to not miss anymore.

The next day one of the midwives stopped by. She said: "Sometimes a baby will just flip at the last minute."

This baby never flipped. Her head, from being under my rib for so long was rather flat on top and had the appearance of a bicycle helmet. She also had severe hip dysplasia in both hips which required her to wear a harness and be followed by an orthopedic surgeon for several months.

She had a heart murmur which was audible until she was three. She failed her first hearing test at the hospital.

During the midwife's visit to my room I made it very clear I would not take any medicine that would make me loopy or require someone else to be present when I held my baby. I was in full mama mode and it was this that allowed me to focus on my baby and heal. I was given 800mg Ibuprophen every six hours and sent home with a prescription for Vicodin just in case I needed something stronger. I ripped up that scrip when I got home.

The staples were removed, I was mobile, and I was a mama. We were released from the hospital with only a two night stay. We picked up Guinness and some mint chocolate chip ice cream on our way. I was so anxious to be home, to heal and get to know my new baby.

I was not bullied or pestered into a c-section. It was simply a matter of the risks out weighing the benefits. There was no one skilled at vaginal breech deliveries at the hospital. We were living in northern Colorado at the time of Piper's birth. We are now in Oregon and recently, Oregon Health Science University has implemented a program for vaginal breech deliveries.

My risks for future vaginal and c-section deliveries regardless of baby's presentation have increased. Even if my water had not broken and they were able to turn her, I would have most likely ended up with a c-section due to the fact that her head was so misshapen because is was under my rib for so long. I am not angry because I had a c-section. I am upset because I spent 8 weeks asking and inquiring about breech presentations and what-ifs. Only to have my mom-intuition shut down and told I shouldn't worry and that was a butt under my rib. If they had discovered she was breech I could have tried many different exercises or even moxibustion to flip her weeks before labor began and possibly avoiding a c-section. I was mentally and emotionally unprepared for what unfolded at my delivery. It is still a source of sadness for me.

***Note- the story of Odin, a successful VBAC, is yet to come!

When Breastfeeding Isn't An Option

Written by KristenM

When I started nursing my first child nearly nine years ago, I couldn’t turn to my my mother for advice. That’s because she, like many in her generation, had been told by her doctor that she couldn’t make enough breastmilk for her kids to thrive. So, like many of her peers, she stopped nursing and switched to commercial formula.

Instead of relying on the age old wisdom passed down from mother to daughter for generations, I had to do something scary — wade through vitriolic internet forums about breastfeeding on mothering boards.

Read on

Teach Your Children to Single Task, not Multitask

We question how children lose their childhood with parents trying to keep up with the Jones', the tendency of families to overschedule their children and government pushing No Child Left Inside so children spend more time testing than learning,

All these good intentions..... at what expense?  I remember reading The Hurried Child by David Elkind and realizing that although it was written in the 1990's, it was still relevant not just 10 years later but 20 years later... and the distractions he mentions are the same ones we face today, just slightly different format (every kid age 12+ has a cell phone, many with smart phones vs. a bag phone that only some could afford).

So this recent article got me to thinking....the value of children re-learning to single task and the role modeling of parents to ALSO re-learn the art, yes art, of single tasking. Not just for the direct benefit of the children but also for the benefit of the adults and the family.


By Dr. Jim Taylor
After reading my last post, I hope you’re convinced now that so-called multitasking isn’t what it purports to be and definitely doesn’t do your children any favors in school or anywhere else. So, the next thing to do is to show them (and perhaps yourself) that “single tasking” is a much better way to go. Single tasking is definitely not rocket science, but it may require that your children break some deeply ingrained habits around their use of technology and learn new habits that will enable them to be more productive and efficient. The good news is that, with some commitment and discipline, your children can retrain those habits and, in a relatively short time and with the benefits clear, become comfortable and adept single taskers.

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