Walking With Intention Day 18

“Our intention creates our reality.”

– Wayne Dyer

The concept of “intention” has never held very much meaning for me beyond a few experiences with Catholic volunteers. It was a nice, though abstract, concept. Living intentionally never became so important to me until I had a baby.

In my mind, walking with intention means a few different things. On one hand, it means being present to the current moment. On the other hand, it means being conscientious and deliberate about my attitude, my actions and my words, because those three things influence my reality and my future.

Being Present

This is my first child and I’m daily fumbling with getting it right. Since her birth, it has been very important to me to be present in a way I never was before, when I would daydream my way through a never-ending afternoon and seek to rush an uncomfortable moment.

Now, I’m trying to be catalogue every precious little moment, like her determined face and middle-of-the-night sighs or the small moments in a quiet house that she’s playing independently. I’m (trying to!) not wishing away the long nights of overtired screaming because I know the day will come that I will wish problems could be solved with mere rocking, kisses, and a round of “Baby Mine.” I’m trying to make note of every time we nurse or she presses her cheek to mine, because one of those times will be the last time, and I love them. I love every day with her, even the minutes that suck. I am crazy in love with her right now, and she adores me. I am the best thing ever. I make her laugh and I calm her, and I know I won’t always.

Being Conscious and Deliberate

I didn’t grow up around children, and before I had her, I honestly just thought they were little jerks. I couldn’t imagine how parents could put up with their attitude. (At the time, I also couldn’t imagine loving something the way I love her, but now I get it.)  During my pregnancy and ever since she was born, I have been anxious about the “terrible twos,” having a “threenager,” and every day she grows, I hate that she’s getting closer to that time. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it and I’m afraid I’m going to hate her, the being with half my heart.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to think of her as a “terror,” and I don’t want to be her adversary. I know that, as her mother, it is going to be my job to set boundaries she won’t like and she will see me as her enemy sometimes, but I don’t want to see her as the enemy.

She is not the enemy.

My anxiety of that time is lessened and I think (hope) my ability to respond from a place of love will increase when I am intentional in my thoughts about her. I believe the way I think and talk about her will make a big difference in how I perceive her.  Even when my Wee One is acting stubborn, disobedient, or rude, if I say those things are who she is, I will believe them. If i can be intentional in my thoughts about her and consider her as a whole person, I will see things differently and be able to respond to her differently. When she pushes against me, or when she’s rude or disrespectful, it is because she is learning the rules of social interaction and experimenting with different behaviors. Or it is because I am expecting something of her that she is not developmentally able to do. Moreover, she’s acting out with me because she knows she’s safe with me.

In my practice as a drug and alcohol counselor, I read and found to be true that the strongest tool I had when working with a client was my relationship with them. I also noticed that the clients who did best were those who had a strong relationship with me.  (In this context, by “best,” I do not mean the ones who stayed sober and got housed. I mean the ones who stayed connected with our program and kept trying.) They knew they could come to me drunk, or call me from prison, or send me to talk to their P.O. and lawyers, and I still respected and believed in their ability to change.

I remember this and also think about my relationship with my own mother, with whom I have always been safe. I think the quality of relationship with my daughter is going to be the most important thing I have in my ability to help her grow. To do this, I need to stay aware of the bigger picture and act with intention to keep our relationship sacred.

Sarah Myers

I am a St. Louis native and social worker who spent 10 years working with homeless addicts in North city. In about the course of a year I got married, had a child, left my job and moved to the Seattle area – made about every big change one can make.  Now I’m a stay at home mom and loving every day of it, but I’m also trying to rebuild my life around these big changes.

https://theseekersdungeon.com/2015/11/18/walking-with-intention-day-18-by-sarah-myers/

***Reposted with permission via http://creosomnium.org/

Do We Need a Daily Routine?

During my baby’s first year, one of the most common topics of conversation was about how she was sleeping.  Friends/family/moms in mom groups/strangers in the grocery line all seemed really interested in how she was sleeping.  Once we had established a daily routine, my response was much more positive to the dreaded sleep question. Routinesare needed because they let your baby what to expect next, according to Babycenter.  When babies can anticipate what happens next, it provides comfort to them and helps them sleep better. Experts say that routines can be established as early as 2 months or as old as 6 months old, depending on your (and your baby’s) personality.

My first daughter was a snacker. She liked to nurse for short amounts of time every hour or two all day, every day up until she was about six months old. At about 6 months, we started to establish a routine with her, encouraging her to eat more during the day and sleep for longer stretches at night. My younger daughter was content to nurse for long amounts of time, less frequently. We worked out our routine around 4 months. Establishing a routine earlier with my second daughter also benefited my first because we returned to many of our activities that we did before the baby was born.

There is a wide range of philosophies about establishing routines, ranging from the parents setting the routines to basing the daily routine on the baby’s natural schedule and everything in between. For me, and my children, building a routine around their natural schedules worked best.  However, I am a stay-at-home mom, so I have flexibility with our days.

I found that using time intervals–instead of basing the routine off the clock–created a routine that was flexible but still offered my babies the comfort about what was coming up next.  Juniper was the most happy with about 3-3.5 hoursbetween waking and going back to sleep.  When she was about 6 months old, Juniper’s routine would begin with her waking up for the day.  I would feed her breakfast, play with her and do tummy time while her big sister was eating breakfast, get the three of us dressed, then about 2.5 hours after she initially woke up, I would nurse her for about a half an hour to forty-five minutes until she fell asleep for nap.  During her naptime, Lily and I would do one of her classes or another activity (like going for a walk or to the playground).  I would let Juniper sleep as long as she wanted, and then we would start the routine over (meal of solids, play/activity, nurse, nap) again, this would fit into about 3/3.5 hours.  At this point, Juniper was taking two naps a day and going to bed around 6/6:30 at night.  Because we were not tied to the clock, if Juniper wanted to nurse an extra time or take an extra nap, our entire day was not thrown off.

Setting a routine doesn’t have to be a struggle to have your baby follow a schedule based on the clock.  Setting a routine based on a pattern during a rough time interval offers your baby predictability and meets her needs based on her natural schedule with the flexibility that she needs day to day.

Becky Nagel is a stay at home mom to two girls, a three year old and a one year old, in Denver, CO who enjoys cooking for her family, running, and hiking.

***This article originally appeared under blogger BreastfeedBabywearClothdiaper at http://www.breastfeedbabywearclothdiaper.com/need-daily-routine?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BreastfeedBabywearClothDiaperNaturally+%28Breastfeed.Babywear.ClothDiaper.Naturally%21%29. Reposted with permission.

My Two Births....

by Ellie Tricker

My two births happened three years and two months apart. My first child was a slow-moving son, and my second child was a daughter who seemed to be in an enormous hurry. The details of my birth experiences differ wildly.

         Thaddeus was born slowly, quietly, and privately. Ben and I labored all night long, moaning and dancing our way through the bedroom, great room, and bathroom. My memory is of being mothered through the process by Rachel, who comforted and consoled me at regular intervals. I remember the feeling of her hands on my neck as I dozed exhaustedly in the rocking chair in the pre-dawn hours. I remember her spoon feeding me honey. She put her hands on my hips, teaching me how to sway from side to side, as gracefully as a walrus (or so I felt) as I hung my arms heavily around Ben's neck. Hours after we arrived to bring forth our first child, another mother arrived. When the sounds of her baby carried through the wall long before I had even dilated completely, I began to despair, but Rachel consoled me with such love and tenderness that I was able to relax and refocus. I am the sort of woman who tends to be in charge of everything and be totally equipped. Therefore, it was alarming to be at the mercy of my body. I felt like I was failing somehow, and Rachel imparted the necessary grace that I needed to accept the birth journey I was on. She gave me exactly what I needed.

        Penelope, in contrast, has had an urgency about her since the moment she felt ready to emerge from the womb! Although I was in early labor for an entire week with her, once she got serious, nothing could stop her. We settled in for another long labor, but only three hours after arriving at the Birth Center, Penelope was in my arms. And while Ben and I had relished our quiet privacy the first time, this felt more like a birth(day) party. Two of my friends met us there to help care for Tad (who came with us) and to help document the event. We had a fruit tray and told funny stories. Ironically, even with the noise and celebratory atmosphere, I was able to focus more  this second time around. I finally understood what it meant to ride the wave of each contraction and to go deeper into my body. I accomplished my goal of not actually pushing my daughter out at all, instead letting the contractions do the work. Even so, the amount of time between crowning and having Penny on my chest was only three minutes. Before I got into the tub for the final bit of labor, I stood over the toilet and suddenly felt chilled to the bone. I had been really present for the whole labor, but suddenly I felt a wave of panic. I began to shiver uncontrollably and Nancy (who had arrived an hour before) put her hands on my shoulders and told me I was probably in transition. I hadn't really felt transition with Tad's birth because the whole labor was so intense and painful that there was no discernible difference. This was wild and somewhat terrifying! But when I felt Nancy's hands on my shoulders, I felt a cooling sensation pass down through my whole body. My eyes locked on hers and I remembered that I could do this! Somehow I found myself back in the tub and, though I wanted to birth on my hands and knees as I did before, I was instructed to lie down on my back to slow baby down. This was so contrary to my ideas, but it turned out to be quite helpful! Penny practically flew out, and just like in those magical stories, once she was on my belly she slithered up to my breast of her own accord and latched immediately. I think I tried to force Tad to nurse for several minutes before I relaxed and gave up pressuring him. He finally nursed in the bed an hour or so after he was born.

        My births were so similar in some ways. I was in the same room, both provided peaceful, joyful memories. Patty was the midwife who met us at the Birth Center both times, leaving us with the midwife on the next shift. Both times I received the special type of coaching I needed, though the particulars of how each birth played out were so different. The model of trusting women and their bodies works so beautifully, because with varying circumstances, the outcome ends up being the same. My joy was complete for both of my births, and I felt supported, loved, and trusted.

        I feel so immensely grateful for the Birth Center, and particularly for Rachel, who gave me the birth I dreamed of. I transferred to Fairhaven quite late in my first pregnancy solely because Rachel was willing to spend quite a long time with me both on the phone and in person to determine whether we could work together for only a few short weeks. Because of my births, I began to trust my power, my stamina, and indeed my true femininity in a way I could never have anticipated. My births have taught me more about my deepest strength more than any other experience I've ever had, and have opened me in a special way to conscious, peaceful parenting. I really believe that peace on earth can begin with birth. My safe, conscious, peaceful births helped me realize that my children were active participants in their earth-side emergence. Beginning my parenting journey in this way has helped launch me on a trajectory of respect, awareness, and reverence for the full human beings my children are. Indeed, my births have helped me respect myself more fully and to appreciate the ways my husband and partner contributes to our lives as well. Giving birth at Goshen Birth Center under the supervision and care of knowledgeable, compassionate midwives has changed my life for the better in a real and meaningful way.

How To Write A Birth Plan

After giving birth to my second child, I was quite the talk of the maternity ward. It wasn’t because I arrived at the hospital 9.5 cm dilated or that labor progressed so quickly that my midwife barely made it in time (both of which are true). It was because of my birth plan. Before my first child was born, I developed a birth plan that I used for both deliveries. It wasn’t anything too unusual or bizarre, at least not in my opinion. It included things like I wanted the option to eat during labor, keep my contact lenses in, have access to a birthing tub, have my partner by my side at all times, be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits, and do it all without the aid of drugs and other interventions.

So why was my plan the talk of the ward? Because according to the nursing student who spoke at length to me about it, she had never seen one before. She was so amazed by the whole idea that other classmates joined her in my room to discuss how I developed it and what had gone into the process. In that moment, I realized how important the plan was to me, not because I felt it was directions for the hospital to follow, but because it helped me understand what my goal was and kept me focused on achieving it. How did I develop the plan?

• Research. I did a lot of research beginning the moment I found out I was pregnant. I read books like “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” by Henci Goer, attended birthing classes and listened to moms tell about their experiences. Gathering all that information helped me better understand the birth process and my personal preferences.
• Write. With a general framework of preferences in mind, I went online to the Baby Center’s website and used a program to create my personalized plan. I simply clicked a few boxes, typed in a few descriptions and printed out my own plan.
• Discuss. I didn’t wait for the labor pains to begin and then surprise the hospital staff with my hopes and desires. I presented my plan to my midwife during a prenatal visit. She looked it over and we discussed it. She let me know if anything was unusual or against hospital protocol so we could have that discussion up front and before the heat of labor. The talk helped me to further confirm that she was the correct care provider for me. I also made sure my birth advocate, my husband, was informed and that he could speak for me if need be.

By the time I entered the hospital, I knew what was realistic and what was not. I gave the labor and delivery nurse a copy and was comforted by the fact that my husband and midwife were by my side with the knowledge of my preferences already in mind.

Because I did the work up front to understand labor and my own personal philosophy, I knew what my preferences were. During the throes of labor, that knowledge kept me focused and moving forward, and made me feel as though my midwife and medical staff were working alongside of me as a team. The births of my two little ones were something I was involved in and not medical conditions that were happening to me. As a result, I had two good birth experiences and two healthy babies.

Did my births go 100 percent according to plan? Not exactly. But the point of developing the plan wasn’t to create a step-by-step outline of what labor and delivery would be like. Each birth is different and we can’t totally prepare for each twist and turn of the journey ahead. But what my plan did was put me and those around me in the right mindset so if a twist did occur, we had an idea of how to handle it. It empowered me to make well-informed decisions concerning both my baby and me.

As the nursing students continued to ask questions, I wondered how women could do labor without a plan or at least some amount of forethought. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be as formalized as the one I created, but to do the research and have the discussions up front with your care provider will certainly help prepare you for the journey to childbirth. Keep in mind that even the best-laid plan can be sidetracked. But knowing your preferences ahead of time will help keep you more focused when the pain sets in or a twist or turn comes along.


What about you? Did you create a birth plan? If so, did you find it helpful?

The post How To Write A Birth Plan first appeared on Unexpectant.com 

Chiropractic care for pregnancy, postpartum and newborns

(by guest writer, By Dr. Mark Lindholm, Natural Health Family Chiropractic)

Several years ago I was invited to speak to a group of area Birth Professionals. I asked them prior to the presentation what they most wanted to know about Chiropractic. These are the questions they asked and my answers.

1. How is chiropractic care beneficial during pregnancy, postpartum and for the newborn?

There is probably no other time when Chiropractic care is more appropriate and important than during pregnancy, postpartum and for the newborn. First though it is important to explain what chiropractic care is and is not.

Chiropractic is based on a Vitalistic Paradigm, that the human body has an innate ability to heal (homeostasis or homeodynamics), and the biological fact that every dimension of the human experience is processed by the nervous system. In application the Chiropractor removes interference to the nervous system by adjusting vertebral subluxations in the spine and endeavors to empower his or her patients to adopt a wellness lifestyle focusing on how they eat (nutrition), how they move (exercise), and how they think (positive mental attitude and stress reduction). It is also important to note that Chiropractic is not merely a treatment for back pain or a modality applied for the treatment of disease, but has much further reaching benefits.

2. What is Optimal Fetal Positioning Technique or the Webster Technique?

Optimal Fetal Positioning Technique and the Webster Technique are protocols which I have used very successfully in my practice to correct breech and posterior presentations. These are not an external version or any form of a physical turning of the baby.

It is gentle protocol based on removing subluxations and ligamentous tension to reduce uterine constraint and thereby allow the baby to move into an optimal presentation over a series of adjustments. The protocol also utilizes at home exercises, positioning education and in some cases self or partner massage in addition to the in office adjustments and treatments. It is important to note that with this type of treatment we sometimes see results from just one adjustment and treatment session but that it often takes multiple adjustments and the closer to full term the mother is the more difficult it is for the baby to turn.

3. We all want to know: Can you or should you really adjust a newborn? Why?

Yes you can, Chiropractic adjustments of a newborn usually require only gentle fingertip type of pressure. All chiropractors are trained in pediatrics and the care of newborns though some chiropractors may be more skilled and/or experienced in this area.

Yes you should, right after birth is a critical time to check for and correct any interference in the nervous system of this precious little baby. The upper cervical spine is commonly stressed or injured during even an ideal labor and delivery, not to mention the stress that can be put on a babies’ spine and nervous system during a traumatic labor and delivery. The neurology of the upper cervical spine affects the brain stem which controls all basic life sustaining functions, breathing, heart rate, and appetite. This area also acts as a conduit for the passage of almost all the nerves to communicate with the entire body.

Why? In addition to what we have already discussed there is a window of opportunity in the newborn during which the nervous system is developing and adapting. If interference is uncorrected during this critical time it can cause permanent consequences in the babies’ development and health for the rest of its life.

4. Are there “Red Flag” conditions that would be a sign that a baby should see a Chiropractor?

Yes, forceps, vacuum extraction, and C-sections all greatly increase the risk of injury to the baby. It is very unlikely that a baby will be born using these interventions and not be subluxated. Newborns that under go these types of traumatic births need to be checked by a chiropractor as soon as possible. Obviously forceps, vacuum extraction, and C-section should be used only in emergencies. Chiropractic prenatal care can and usually does result in a healthier pregnancy and a better labor and delivery, decreasing the odds that dangerous interventions will be necessary.

Very fast and also very long labors, posterior presentations, breech births, etc. all also increase the risks of birth trauma. Babies with low Apgar scores, failure to thrive diagnoses, problems latching and nursing well, infantile colic and recurrent ear infections are also red flag signs of potential subluxations.

For more information regarding the Webster Technique and Optimal Fetal Positioning :
This video is a demonstration using the Webster Technique on a patient.
This video is from a workshop we held at my clinic on “good baby positioning”

www.NHFChiropractic.com

6 Easy Ways to be a Great Guest When Visiting a New Mom

So a friend has just had a baby and you’ve been invited over for your first visit. Yay, a sweet, squishy newborn to love on! Who doesn’t love that feeling of a tiny baby falling asleep in your arms? My own daughter is 2.5 years old now and often running away, rather than towards my arms so believe me that when I get the chance, I want to HOLD ALL THE BABIES! But the truth is that a new mom doesn’t really need you to hold the baby. Not all the time, at least. There is so much more that you can do that will make you the best visitor that new mom has had yet.

1. Bring food. A meal, a side dish, a gift card for local delivery – pretty much any of these items would be welcomed warmly by a new mom. Cooking is often the last thing on the list when baby is brand new. Freezer meals, soups, even fresh produce are all fantastic ways to help support a new family.
2. Ask after the mom, not just baby. So much cooing tends to happen over baby that a new mom can feel like she’s standing in the shadows. That lady just gave birth! Give her a high five and ask her, honestly, how she’s doing. Let her talk. She’ll probably just talk about the baby, but at least you gave her the opening to do so.
3. Help around the house. Every ounce of mom’s focus in those first few weeks, especially for a first time mom, is on baby and surviving the life altering changes that come with a newborn. Household chores can pile up and cause a lot of stress. Doing something as simple as unloading the dishwasher or tossing in a load of laundry can mean the world. Don’t offer, just do. If you ask, she’ll tell you not to bother. She’s being polite, but secretly she’d love you to wash a few dishes.
4. Let her shower. If you know her well, offer to watch the baby so that she can have a few blessed moments alone in the shower. New mom truth: days go by before you realize you haven’t showered. Giving her the chance to do so is both great for her and a sneaky way to hog all of that delicious newborn baby smell.
5. Limit your visit. Aim for a 30 minute visit the first time around. Mom’s bound to be tired, baby may or may not need to eat/sleep/poop (or all of the above!), and there have probably been many other visitors coming around to see the new arrival. As a new mom struggling to breastfeed, I hated the awkward moment when I had to slip away into the nursery while guests remained just on the other side of the wall in my living room. Keeping your visit short and sweet, at least at first, is a great way to keep mom relaxed.
6. Don’t show up unannounced. Just don’t do it. It’s rude at any time, whether dropping in on a new mom, your best friend, or your parents. Plus, frankly, a new nursing mom is likely to be mostly, if not entirely, undressed from the waist up. You’ve been warned.

There you have it! Easy steps that will make you the best guest a new mom sees. I promise, you’ll still get baby snuggles and you’ll probably be invited back sooner than anyone else!

What would be your tips, looking back, on ways to be a good guest to a new mom?



Kate is a mainly stay-at-home mom in the Pacific NW who seriously wants to Hold ALL the Babies! 

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You Are Not a Lemon

Today I offer a simple quote of encouragement for all you pregnant women out there and even for those who aren’t. It comes from the very wise and prominent midwife, Ina May Gaskin:

 

“Your body is not a lemon.” In a society where we often hear that our bodies are broken or ugly or need improvement, remember these words. In a country that has over a 30% c-section rate (the World Health Organization recommends the rate be under 15%), this can be a fact that women don’t hear often enough, if at all. But I believe Psalm 139:14 when it says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And, I want you to believe it as well.

The truth is our bodies are pretty awesome. I mean they can grow little humans. And, sometimes they grow more than one little human at a time. And your uterus that protects those little humans starts out the size of a pear, but it expands about 500 times from its original size over the 40-ish weeks of gestation. Then within a month after birth, it returns to its pre-pregnancy size. Our bodies can nourish those little humans, while they are still inside and even afterwards through breast milk. In fact, our bodies are so awesome that the breast milk we create changes over time to meet the nutritional needs as our babies grow and change. We don’t have to take any special pills or drink any magic potions to make this possible; it just intrinsically and instinctively happens.

Now, I understand that there is a time and a place for certain birth interventions. I know that c-sections can and do save lives. And, I’m not saying that natural birth is the only way to go. But, I do know that many women fear birth. They fear what will happen to their bodies. They question whether or not they are capable of doing it. Take for instance what Nicole Klemp said in her birth story, “Before I was even pregnant, the thought of giving birth was terrifying. I was certain there was no way something the size of a watermelon was going to come out of me without ending in my untimely death.”

She is certainly not the only woman to feel this way and, sadly, oftentimes our society and even doctors don’t tell women otherwise.Instead, they perpetuate the dialog that discourages women from realizing just how awesome their bodies actually are. But, what Nicole discovered was that she was capable and that birth wasn’t as frightening as she had anticipated. In fact, she titled her story “That Wasn’t So Bad.”

So, if you are pregnant, ignore those negative voices, whether they are internal or external. Instead, do your research. Get the facts. Learn about birth. Find a midwife or physician who practices evidence-based care, not convenient care. As my midwife has often said:

“My job is to make sure [your birth is] safe and your job is to make sure it’s what you want.” ~ Kristin Vincent, midwife

And, even beyond birth, remember that your body is not a lemon. You are not a lemon. You are more capable than you realize. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and motherhood can be downright tough and exhausting both physically and mentally. But hear these words: YOU CAN DO IT. You were wonderfully made and designed to do it. You are not broken. The truth is you’ve been given a pretty awesome body that has been designed to do some really incredible things. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. And, know that you are not a lemon.

If you are pregnant and want to learn more about pregnancy and birth, take a look at my top five book recommendations. And, especially pick up a copy of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It’s packed full of important and helpful info for every pregnant woman.

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